Summer movies

It's that time of year again. That time where people go out to the theaters to see explosions, fighting, a bit of romance, and a few laughs; it's summer movie time. Normally I look on this timeframe with excitement and anticipation, this year it is a bit less. This will be thw first year I'm going to see these movies without my dad here. Every summer since me and my sister were kids going to the movies during the summer was one of the things we always did. I can only think of two summers where we didn't and that was during the two years we lived with our grandmother in Pennsylvania. I'll admit that as an adult it happened less often, and my sister didn't go with us(but my brother did sometimes), but we still managed to go from time to time. Even if we didn't see a movie together we would always chat about them when we saw them. We always talked about our favorite parts and would speculate about where they could go if they made a sequel. Heck, after they showed Thanos at the end of Avengers and before they announced it, my dad was saying how they needed to make Guardians of the Galaxy. One of the things I would do sometimes is go see a movie and then if he asked me if I wanted to go see it I would lie and say I hadn't. I'd later tell him that I had already seen it afterwards and he'd jokingly give me shit about it. It's funny but even though I'm an adult, pay my own bills, and have a decent job, my dad almost always treated when we went to the movies. Even when I had money to pay for myself he would say "Aw man, you're good. Don't worry about it, you'll get me next time", and I would(if I had the money of course). Of all the things I'll remember about my dad, going to or talking about the movies during the summer will always be my favorite. So seeing the movies this summer is bittersweet. I'm enjoying them but it really sucks that he isn't here to either watch them with or talk to about them. I'm still going to go see them, as he wouldn't want me to stop just for that, but I really miss him. This summer is going to be rough, with Father's Day in June and his birthday in August. But you know what, I'll be ok. There are a bunch of great movies coming out that I'm sure I'll enjoy, and even though things are different, I know that he wouldn't have it any other way.

Driving

Well I have an announcement to make. As of today it has been exactly one month that I have been officially driving. Yes, you ready that correctly, I have been driving. I have a car and have been on the road. That's actually the reason I stated that I would be getting out more and how people have been able to see me more often recently. While this is the first time I have actually posted about it I haven't been all that secretive about it either. If I showed up to a place and someone asked how I got there I would mention it, but I also didn't go too much out of my way to bring it up(well until now that is).

It has certainly been a nice and interesting experience. I realize that there are a lot more assholes on the road than I thought as a passenger. I've also come to realize that apparently blinkers do not exist on most people's cars(I know they actually do but a shit load of people don't use them). I've also noticed that apparently there are a lot of Nascar drivers in the St. Louis area. As well as turtles with driver's licenses.

One thing that sucks is that while I have been driving a short time I already need to get a new windshield. I know you're probably wondering how that happened. Well about two or three weeks ago I was on my way to work; I was driving behind a truck with a bunch of junk in the back. As I'm driving either a rock pops up or a small piece of something fell off the back of the truck(which is more likely) and hit my windshield. When I heard it "WTF!?!" was my initial reaction. I looked and at the time it seemed that nothing bad had happened. Well a few days later I'm looking out my windshield and I notice a medium sized crack. Over the next couple of weeks the crack got bigger. The thing is big enough now, I'll probably have to get the whole windshield replaced. It sucks but will need to be done.

Overall it has been cool driving myself around, I just wish it had come about from better circumstances. The only reason I'm driving now is because shortly before he got diagnosed with Cancer my dad had bought a new car. When he passed it was decided that I would get the car. I needed to get my license in order to drive it and here we are. It's been hard sometimes when I run into friends or people I know and they ask me about the car or compliment my "choice" in car. With the people I consider close, I tell them the truth, but the people I'm not close with, I just say thanks and continue on. It really hurts when someone says to me "About time", because it just reminds me that the cost of this step forward in my life was too high.....

Sorry, that took a bit of a dark turn there. In all honesty, I have enjoyed driving, with the exception of the dickheads who are out on the road(and yes I'm aware that to someone else I am one of them). I look forward to getting out more and having the freedom to go to more stuff. Oh and don't worry, there will be a point where I make a blog post where I don't mention my dad(the next one is not ine of them). Until then, bare with me.

Comic-Con

Oh my god, two blog posts in one month; I must be serious about that whole keeping up thing I mentioned.

So this past weekend I went to Wizard World Comic-Con St. Louis. I went with my best friend and my little brother. It was fun and I had an amazing time. We arrived on friday, went and checked in, and started walking around the vendor area.

DAY 1

The first thing I saw when I got there was the booth for Ultrasabers. They are a company known for making lightsabers. They usually have set styles that people get but when I got to that booth I saw something I never expected to see. I saw the Saber of Omens. For those who don't know what that might be it is the Sword of Omens from Thundercats as a lightsaber. It was the coolest thing ever, and I bought one. Now mind you, I had no plans to do so, but when you have an opportunity like that, you take it. So I bought it and I look forward to using it.

After that, day one was mostly filled with walking around and visiting friends. There is something pretty sweet about having friends who have booths at an event like that. One of which being it makes them easier to find when wanting to hang out. The food choices were about the same as last year. Expensive but still good. He only complaint I really had was the lack of tables and chairs to sit at in the food area. I understand that with the amount of people attending you can't have seats for everyone without losing Con space, but if your food venders are in an area where there is nothing else around then damn it give people a place to sit. And no, the floor is not a viable place to sit. When you have been walking around for a few hours and decide to get food, the last thing you want to do is have to sit your happy ass on the cement floor.

Now unlike last year I did try and attend some panels. On Friday I only attended one. It was a Doctor Who panel that mostly discussed the end of Matt Smith's run. It was pretty cool, I even got up and asked a question of the panelists. I ended the day with seeing Captain America: The Winter Soldier which was an awesome movie.

Overall, day one was a good day. There was one issue, but that's not really my story to tell.

DAY 2

The second day was my favorite of the weekend.

It started with putting on my Renaissance Superman costume. I hadn't worn it since I went to Renn Faire last year and it was nice to wear it again. So we(me, my bestie, and my brother) went over the Con and were able to see some more friends. I went to a speed-dating event. That was pretty fun. I did kind of feel like the guy running it was kind of douchy. He kind of talked to everyone as if we were those stereotypical nerds you see on tv who couldn't get a date to save their lives. I've been in the geek/nerd community long enough to know that type is a rarity. Either way it was pretty fun. Made a couple of new friends, and have a new tumblr to follow. After that I went back to my room to change out of the costume. Partly because my feet were starting to hurt in the boots I was wearing, but also because the clasp for my cloak had come off and was no longer usable. Will have to work on getting that fixed. If only I knew people who knew costuming lol.

The next thing I did was go back for my picture with Karen Gillian and Matt Smith of Doctor Who. Got in line about an hour before the photo opp which was a good thing because it was already packed. I jad gotten tickets for my bestie amd I as we are both fans. We had found out that each pass could actually get two people for the photo. She decided to invite my brother into hers which is cool, except he had never watched the show. I invited a good friend of mine.

After the photo we headed back to the hotel room to prepare for a room party we were throwing. I had decided to throw a room party after booking the room when I realized how large the room was going to be. I'm not going to lie, I was really nervous. I had invited friends out before for a party but having friends come to a restaurant for your birthday is not quite the same as throwing one where you have to take care of the details. I must say it was a resounding success. There was a good turn out with friends both new and old. It definitely made me confident about possibly throwing parties in the future. I'll admit the fact that it ended with me in bed alone is something I would have changed but that's how things go.

Day two was loads better than day one. Seeing as how day one was amazing that says something.

DAY 3

So the third day was a bit more subdued. It was the last day of the Con and so there wasn't as much to try and experience. At least not as far as the Con went. We mostly spent this day going around to the booths friends had and saying hi. My bestie and my brother wanted to go around and get the free stuff that came with their badge which is cool. I had done that on friday so I mostly just walked with them and occasionally made my goodbyes to friends as I saw them.

This was the first event this year where I was reminded how much I missed my dad. Him, my brother, and I were originally planning on going together. My dad even wanted to try and do a steampunk costume. So while I had fun doing this without him it still hurt. But I think in the end, he would be proud of me for being able to have a good time anyway. He would have been the first to tell me that I couldn't change what happened, so going and enjoying myself would have been the only thing to do. I could hear him now: "Did you have a good time? Then don't let the fact that I wasn't there change that."

Overall I had a lot of fun and it was a great experience. Good friends, good booze, much laughter and smiles, and lots of joy was had, and you know what? In the end that is all that matters.

I do what I want

Well here I am again,  attempting to post more and keep this thing from becoming a tomb of thoughts long past.

Today I am writing about something that always bothers me. People's need to tell others that their opinion/likes/dislikes/whatever are wrong. It's a thing I've noticed for a while but today I felt like talking about it. What brought this up was something a coworker said. Before I get into that, a little background.

A few months back, when my dad was still in the hospital, I let a bit more facial hair than usual grow out. I'll admit I can't grow much of a beard, and it came out looking kind of scraggly, but i decided to do it. At first I was going to let it grow to see how it turned out, but shortly after deciding to do so I found out about my dad's condition. After that I decided that I wasn't going to shave it until things resolved themselves one way or the other. From the reactions I got from guys at work you would think I had committed a capital offense. Every opportunity they had they took to tell me how bad it looked, or how I needed to shave it, or just outright laughter. Now to be fair, during this time I wasn't exactly talking too much to a lot of people about what was going on. I only mentioned it to the one or two people I consider friends and they understood and letbit go. The others though, my goodness. It is amazing how it seems as if other guys try to control the way someone thinks or does things. One day, after about a month or so of this I blew up at a couple of them and told them my reasons. One or two seemed sympathetic but a few others kind of chuckled about it. I believe they were chuckling more about my reaction to them rather than the reasons I gave(at least that's what I choose to believe). Either way they dropped it. When my dad passed I shaved and haven't really thought of it since until today.

So I come into work just a regular day when a dick of a coworker(that has always been my opinion of him not just brought on by this) tells me that he likes the look I have at the moment much better. At first I had no idea what he was talking about as the look I have now I've had for a few years. It seems he was talking about that time period where I let my "beard" grow out. This annoyed me. I explained to him how his opinion didn't actually matter to me, especially when it comes to my looks. Actually when it comes to how I look no guys opinion matters to me. Primarily for two reasons. The first and main one is that I dress for me(yes I realize the irony of that statement coming from a man especially with the next reason). The second is that in the grand scheme of things, the only opinions other than my own I listen to, when it comes to my style, are women's. Now I accept that that might sound misogynistic and for that I apologize, but the truth is I'm straight and therefore sleep with women. Their opinion means more to me; because I feel that even if they have no interest in me, they are still basing their opinion on what they think looks good on a guy(or at least me if they are talking to me about it). There tends to be two reactions from guys to a statement like that. One being "No shit" and the other being "You're whipped". Now by pure coincidence the few male friends I have(about 85% of my friends are female, and don't get me started on how guys treat that tidbit) are of the "No shit" variety. They understand how the opinions of the people you are attracted to are somewhat more relevant than those of people you aren't.

Now I figure that by this point you are probably wondering what that story has to do with the original premise of this post. Let me explain, no that would be too long, let me sum up. It seems that people love to tell you you are wrong in the things you like, or enjoy, or just want to do, if it doesn't line up with their thoughts on those things.

I'll be the first to admit I like a lot of stuff. Whether it's movies, comics, books, music, or people. Because of that I have been accused of liking everything and everyone. While that isn't entirely true the thing I have never understood is what difference does it make. An example, and I know a lot of people will judge me for it, is that I like the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy. Now that you all had the collective gasp, understand that I am aware of it's flaws and have issues with those myself, but the main reason why I like them is that it is Fucking Star Wars. Yes Jar Jar Binks sucked, the droids were idiotic, and some of the acting was sub-par at best but all I care about is that it's Star Wars. The reason I use that as an example is because when I like something/someone I don't think too deeply into why I just know that I do. I know quite a few people who could tell you point for point every single reason they like something, I am not one of them. The main reason for that is that I don't think too deeply about it. Once I have accepted that I like or enjoy something then that is all I need to know. The same applies asbto why I don't like something/someone. Now in those cases I can give all the reasons, mainly because once I realize I don't like something, then I examine why so that I can feel, in my own mind, that it isn't for some arbitrary reason.

I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this rambling talk is that people shouldn't try to control what others like and don't like. Even if you don't agree you should let them have that. I think the main reason people make such a big deal about it is that they want validation for their own thoughts and opinions, and nothing does that better than someone agreeing with you. But you'll be amazed at how much less stress you have when you either stop caring about or trying to control the opinions of others. Now as I said earlier I do make exceptions, but those are the people who have a bigger impact on my life and who my choices actively affect them.

Well that's all for now. I'm aware that I ramble and that a lot of what I said probably won't make sense to people but you know what, I don't care. There's a line from a movie/tv show/ whatever that I think fits perfectly here....."I do what I want"

Nothing is the same

So I recently realized that it has been nearly two years since I last posted on here. The last post was a happy one full of upbeat feelings. This one, not so much. Let me start by updating about things between me and Tara. We are no longer together. After having lived with each other for almost a year we broke up. There were several factors for that, but I think the main ones were that we had moved in together too soon and that we were too different in how we viewed a lot of things. Also the fact that I am polyamorous and she is monogamous played a factor.

After Tara I spent a few months single before I began dating Lisa. Things were going well; we had good sexual chemistry, we had similar interests, we were both poly, and we enjoyed each other's company. We wound up not lasting as a couple but we are still friends (with benefits which I am glad for). So now I am single again and will probably stay that way for a while.

I'm choosing to stay single because I've realized that I haven't been in a long time and that after going from one relationship to another to another has not given me the chance to make some changes in my life.

And that brings me to the biggest, most heart breaking change in my life. As of January 23rd 2014 my dad died. He died of bone cancer after having only been diagnosed in November. The last two months have been very difficult for me. My dad and I were very close and we hung out like friends. We had a lot of the same interests whih made it easier to relate to each other. I wouldn't call him my best friend but I would say that he was a good one. I'm slowly healing from it but I am definitely not the same person I was. I never realized how much I relied on him to be a sounding board for a lot of things in my life. He always was able to help me out with a problem whether it was emotional, monetary(which wasn't often), or silly. He usually helped put things in perspective and made me feel better. I'm going to miss that. I think this is the first time I've really talked about it honestly. Just the other day I his urn and I've already begun to feel better. Before he passed I'll admit I wasn't exactly doing much to be an adult. Sure I had a full time job and was living on my own again but I didn't really feel like a grown-up. Now, with everything that has happened, I am beginning to. Don't get me wrong, there is a level of childishness but maybe not as high as before. I will always miss my dad but I am learning that he raised me well enough that I will be fine. It's going to be hard at times, especially if there is something that I would normally call him about and realize that he isn't here anymore; but I believe I will get through it.

I should also mention that as of December 2013(technically February 2014 as that is when the dr gave me the all clear) I am sterile. I went and got myself a vasectomy as I don't want to have children. The reaction to that has been varied but not bad. Strangely enough more of my female friends have commended me on it than the male ones have. I'm glad I took that step, it means that I won't have to worry about potentially ruining my life or the life of a kid who wouldn't be wanted.

So that is what has been going on in my life(well the cliff notes version anyway), in the 18 months or so since my last blog post a lot has happened. Some good, most bad, but I'm alright. I have my health, I have friends, I have family, my life isn't too bad. Hopefully it won't be so long before my next post and with any luck I plan on posting good thing.

Oh and if you want to follow me other places I have a tumblr page now(have for over a year now). It's supergeek1.tumblr.com so check it out if you are on tumblr. Be warned it is NSFW a lot of times but I share various things that I fine interesting, hot, funny, or just plain goofy.

Happy Update

Well, here I am making another blog post. It's getting ridiculous how much time is passing between these things. First it was three months, now it's been five; one would think that not much has been going on. As a matter of fact it's been just the opposite.

First off the(in my opinion) biggest thing; I've moved in with Tara. Chances are if you are on my fb friends list you already know this but it's worth repeating. I am incredibly excited as this is the fist time I have ever actively lived with a girlfriend. I've had women I've dated crash at my place for a bit but never one where both of our names are on the lease. With s moving in together have acquired two dogs. Their names are Charlie and Charlotte. They are older Chihuahua mixes and they are pretty cool. Normally I'm more of a cat person but these dogs are chill so I don't feel like they are as emotionally needy as most dogs tend to be. We're in two bedroom apartment that isn't all that expensive considering it's only bout twenty dollars more than my last apartment and that was more like a studio convertible than a one bedroom. It's been almost a month and things are going pretty good. I've name the apartment The Nut House; mainly for my nickname Chesnut and coincidentally because Tara is a Psych Med Tech so it doubly works.

With that I am giving up running the Single's Munch. I feel it's fair as I no longer qualify as truly single. Luckily I found someone who is willing to continue running it for me. He's been attending for a while o I definitely think he's good fit. I am keeping the option open that I may return but with any luck I won't need to. I am glad that I wasn't the only success from it. A few other people fund relationships which I am very proud of. I hope to keep hearing about it for a few years even if I never go back to it.

Another thing I did recently was go to World Con in Chicago. I had a pretty good time. I attended a few panels and really enjoyed playing this game called Battle Tech. It is a giant mech game ad this one I played had cockpit pods for the players to sit in; it was awesome. I shared a hotel room with a few friends, it was a new experience as before that I had only ever shared a hotel room with family or someone I was dating but pretty cool. I think that if I had to do that again it would be cool. I know one thing, after this Con I know want to go to Dragoncon. Hopefully next year I can do just that.

Well, that's all that's been going on with me. So far things have been good and I am a happier person for it. With any luck(preferably good) things will stay that way.

Life Update

It's been a while since I last made an entry here and quite a bit has happened. It's been about three months since the last entry so I will do my best to bring things up to date. I know I said a few posts back that I'd try and post more but sometimes things get away from you.
It's only April and 2012 has been turning out to be an interesting year so far.

One big thing was Conflation. I had a great time that weekend and got to spend time with all of my friends that I've grown close with in the last few years. I'm not going to go into detail like I did last year as a good amount of the interesting stuff isn't really mine to tell. One thing I did experience which I truly wish I hadn't is a Drink calle Venom. Oh My God, that shit was crazy. I probably should have known that it wasn't something I should have tried as a.) The drink came with instructions on how to drink it and b.) The instructions were "Take a deep breath", "Hold your breath while you take the shot", and "Breathe out through your mouth slowly after you take the shot"; with the added direction of "Whatever you do don't breath in". I'll admit I was hesitant but apparently, even at 30, peer pressure can be affective lol. So I took the drink, following the directions of course, and Holy Shit was that stuff strong. So strong it burned all the way down and after taking it I had trouble breathing for a minute or two. Once I was able to breath again I thought I was ok; I was wrong. Seems that my stomach was not a huge fan of Venom. After 5 minutes, where I was talking and trying to recover, my body was like "Get this shit out of me". Suffice it to say Venom burned just as much coming up as it did going down.

Another thing that has happened this year is that I started a Single's Munch for all of the single people in the local BDSM community. I started it after being made a moderator for a single's group on FL. I started it for a few reasons; the main one being that others who attended munches felt like the odd person out. As accepting and inclusive as the St. Louis BDSM community is, things seem to be more geared towards those in relationships rather than singles. So I started the Munch and man was I nervous. I mean here I am starting something that, as far as I knew, no one else was attempting to do and it turned out to be a success. The first one had about twelve people(maybe a few more) show up and we all got to know each other and had fun. The second one had more people; including one who I am very happy to have met. The third one is soon and there might have to be a change on my end of things.

One more thing that's happened so far this year is that I am in a relationship with a gorgeous, funny, adorable, intelligent, and downright awesome woman. Her name is Tara. It's funny, I actually met her at March's Single's Munch. Originally I contacted her on OKcupid because I saw her profile on there and thought she was pretty and interesting. She replied and said she saw me on FL and was going to ask me about the Single's Munch. So she showed up and we spent the whole two hours talking, occasionally joining in on the other conversations. While we were talking I kept wondering how I could ask her out without breaking the vibe of the conversation we were having. Then it happened, she said something that I was totally able to use in my favor. She said "The last movie I saw in theaters was Avatar", I replied with "Oh we so have to fix this. What are you doing after the munch?" We've been dating ever since :). We have a really good connection; a lot of things in common including having birthdays only days apart from each other. I've got to say it's nice that her birthday is only three days after mine; no way am I forgetting it lol.

It's interesting though that just a few months after admitting that I am polyamorous I meet a woman that is monogamous and want a mono relationship. I'm willing to give her one. I know that had it been anyone else I wouldn't be willing to do that but for her there is no question in my mind that I can. I plan on bringing her around me friends soon and introduce her. I'm sure they'll like her a lot. We already have one friend in common so I wouldn't be surprised if she gets along with the others.

So that's what's been going on with me these last few months. It's been an interesting year so far and I am looking forward to what is to come. I hope that things continue to be good and my eventual end of the year post is just as positive as this one.