Well by now chances are you've seen my fb post talking about how I had to break up with MF the woman I was seeing. If you haven't then this is probably the first time you're hearing about it. Either way I will admit that this one hit me a lot harder than any other break up has. It involves stuff from my past that I thought I had gotten over and dealt with but apparently I haven't.
First off let me say that I am ok with people who smoke weed. As drugs go it is considered one of the softer drugs out there and in all honesty if it wasn't illegal I would have tried it myself at one point. Before I start the next bit of this let me say that if you have a problem with me mentioning something someone has done that I don't agree with on the grounds that I shouldn't put their business out there stop reading now. A good number of you won't know who I'm talking about and the few who do already know what's going on in the first place.
The main reason I broke up with MF(yes I broke up with her) is because after years of her being clean she is back on drugs. That is something I can not and will not forgive. This particular reason hit me harder than any other because I have history with it. I wasn't on drugs but when I was a kid my mom was. She has been off of them for 15 years through strength of will and (in her words) "The grace of god." I was around her during a lot of that time and while I didn't know specifically what she was doing I knew she was on drugs. There were a few years where they took her away from me and I didn't see her and rarely heard from her. It took me a few years to forgive her and get past it. I'm glad my mom has been back in my life for all the years she has been and I love her a great deal. That is not something I want to deal with in my life again. I know that addiction is a powerful thing to escape but in all honesty I no longer care. Even though I didn't know her when she was on it before I have an idea of what type of person she'll become. While I've dealt with most of those issues, finding about what MF has done brought a lot of the feelings I had gotten past back. I'll get over this in the long run but I'll not be with her any time soon and if we do end up in each other's lives again it will only be as friends.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
30th Birthday Celebration
Ok, I've had the best two days of my life. Before you ask no, I did not have sex but I had so much fun that doesn't matter. I'm pretty much about to describe all that happened. There will be people who have the same initials so for the first time I'm adding I and II to those with the same first and last initials. It's based on chronological order of where they appear in events.
Day 1(Pirate Fest)
The first day of my birthday celebration was September 25th 2011. It's one day before my birthday but it's also the day that most everyone I know and invited was(for the most part) off work. So the day started normal enough I got up ate some cereal and watched a bit of tv. The plan was for me to meet AH I at the Delmar Metrolink station as it was the easiest way for us to meet up to go to Pirate Fest.So I took a shower, got dressed in my Pirate Garb that I was going to wear for Fest, and headed out the door.I got to the Metrolink stop around 10:30 and went to the wrong end of the station. AH I called me to ask where I was and I walked down to the other end of the platform once I realized where she was. We left there and went to her place so that she could finish getting ready and we could wait on LA* and R. After everyone was ready we headed out to Wentzville for Pirate Fest. Stopped at Wendy's on the way to get food (yummy) and stayed on the highway the reast of the way. We got to Pirate Fest at about 12:30 or so. Me and LA went ahead in as AHI and R had some talking to do.
Now my friend J had texted me earlier to let me know that her and JB had a couple of tickets waiting for me and AH I. So me and LA get to the gate and we were talking about how this was going to work as AH I and R were still talking and there was only tickets for me and AHI. The plan had been that me and AHI would get those tickets and R would pay for himself and LA but things got easier when LA and I ran into MS I. I totally wouldn't have noticed her if she hadn't run up to me to say hi and give me a hug. I made introductions between her and LA and she asked me if we needed passes. I said yes right away. With the two she gave me that left the two that J left me and AH I for AH I and R instead. So after telling MS I to watch out for AH I, LA and I walked into Pirate Fest. While we were walking up the first hill LA saw a stand that was selling little flower head pices that she wanted to get. Since she didn't have to use the money her mom gave her for passes she used some of it for that. She asked me to hold the money for her after that because she didn't have any pockets and knew it would be safe with me. So after that we walked up the hill a bit more and we decided to go check out this juggler that looked to be having a cool show. I must say he was quite impressive. Especially when he gopped on a ball and started juggling fire. while I was watching the juggler I messaged AH I and told her about the two remaining tickets and that she should only take two as the other two were for Team Rocket(lol). admittedly I didn't call them that in the text but it works for here.
So after watching the juggler LA and I started walcing around. I stopped over to the Drcosinister Blades booth as I'm friends with the man who runs it and I wanted to say hi to him. while we were then I ran into a couple more of my friends we chatted for a bit but they were on their way out so they didn't stay very long. After that LA and I started walking up the hill and were trying to decide where to go next when i saw my friend MO working booth. I just had to go say hi. Turns out she wasn't feeling too well but it was good to see her. my friend AO was also there and it was good to see her as I hadn't seen her in quite a while. I was glad that, for the most part, she's been doing pretty good and was happy. LA and myself were getting ready to leave that booth when AH I and R caught up with us.
We all started walking together going further in to Pirate Fest when AH I said that she had to go find our friends L & M so she can take engagement photos for them. LA wanted to watch some hoola hoop performers that were supposed to do a fire performance. Since I wanted to see more of my friends it was decided that I would continue to walk with AH I and LA would stay and watch the show with R.
As I'm walkiing with AH I, I saw my friend DZ which was good as I had something to give him another friend had asked me to hold on to until I saw him. so I gave that and waved/said hi to a couple other friends and moved on.
Now it's at this point that I'm going to gloss over a good section of the rest of Pirate Fest because a.) I'd been drinking for quite a bit and the buzz that had built up was pretty strong,and b.)not much really happened other than just hanging out with friends and having a good time. I did get a really cool picture of three people dressed as Doctor Who plus a young lady who looked like Amy Pond. The funny thing is that the girl wasn't actually with them. I came across them as she was telling them how cool their costumes were and I happened to notice that she was a red head who did kind of look like the actress who plays Amy Pond on the current run of Doctor Who. There was laughs. A few jokes about L's level of drunkness. A bunch of us was using it as an adjective and I think she was wanting it used as a verb lol. During this time I did run into my friend AP and me and her had an illuminating talk(at least on my end)which helps me decide how I'm going to proceed on certain things(more about that in a later post). So after the hanging around, laughing, joking, and a bit more drinking on my part; not to mention some cool pictures taken by my friend MS I of me looking like a Pirate Pimp, it was time to leave as we had to be at Dave 7 Buster's.
Day 1(Dave & Buster's)
The second half of my birthday celebration for that day was at Dave & Buster's. Now if you've never been there the best way I could describe it is that it's like Chuck 'E' Cheese for adults; minus the giant mouse plus the addition of alcohol. Now by this point I was considerably back in the sober range but still having fun. The plan was originally to get there at 6 but it took a little longer to leave Pirate Fest than expected so we didn't get there until 6:30 or so. A couple of people were a little miffed about it and that was understandable as I didn't call to inform them about my late status but that's mainly because my phone had died (I really need to get a new battery). Luckily though once I got there things were all cool. The first friend I ran into was my friend X and her son. i made sure to go say hi to her so that she wouldn't leave because of how late I was. The I saw my friend C who was there with her boyfriend. Waiting not too far inside was AH II and the people with her. I was very happy to see her there to help me celebrate my birthday. while I was saying hi to folks AH I and R was parking their car, it was agreed that since I was late I should do damage control and make sure everyone was still in a good mood. So we went to get seats and the lady in charge of that put us at this long table over by the bar which was big enough to fit most of us. Shortly after I sat down MF (the girl I've been seeing) came in and sat next to me. She looked very pretty and I was very happy to see her too. She sat next to me and we snuggled a bit because we were happy to see each other. Not long after my friends JH, G, and MS II came in. They gave me a gift bag full of stuff from Metropolis I'LL which made me very happy. If you don't know I'm a huge superman fan and it was really cool that they did that.
Ok, I'll admit that at this point I was starting to get a bit teary eyed. You see in all the years I've been in the St. Louis area having real friends is relatively new to me; so the fact that all of these people came to clebrate my birthday with me was really neat and made me feel extra special and loved. I know for some people that may not seem like a huge thing but it is to me. I tried to thank everyone for coming but I kept getting teary and choked up so I stopped. I think everyone got what I was trying to say.
Shortly after this Team Rocket(sorry guys but it's too cute) arrived we then all ordered food and it was quite good. I ordered myself a drink that was really tasty. My buzz from earlier didn't come back because I was sober again by this point and it would have taken more than that one to bring it back. While we were waiting on out food my friends RC and S showed up. They didn't order anything as they had gone to eat after leaving Fest and they came to hang out. It was a really good time and the food was great. I walked out with AH II to her car at one point because she had a book I had bought from her that she wanted to give me. I'll admit I could have waited in the restaurant for her to come back but I had something of an ulterior motive for going with her ;). While me and her were standing outside talking my friends RS and ES showed up. I had told them we all were done eating and we were going to be playing games. they said that's cool they were going to play games too but were also going to order food. I said cool, as there were tables in game area they could eat at. Later on I went with MF to her car to drop off my gifts and left-overs(also with an ulterior motive on my part lol). We came back inside and went to play some games. I loved that. I played some skee-ball with MF, got a group together to play a trivia game that they had. it was fantastic. As the evening went on folks started to leave telling me good by and wishing me a happy birthday. Overall that day was a fantastic day, it was the best birthday celebration I've had since I was a little kid.
Day 2
Monday September 26th 2011 was my actual birthday. I didn't really do much during the day. I did make a nice Logan's Run reference on my facebook and fetlife pages though. I spent most of the day relaxing, drinking, and watching the movies Tron and Tron: Legacy. I picked Tron because it is a movie from my childhood that I loved and it's about as old as I am.
Later on I did more celebrating when I went to The Crack Fox for my birthday. Now I didn't make this a party but I knew a lot ofmy friends were going to be there for a different event. As I was running low on money I only took about seven dollars with me. I figured I'd have one drink, hang with my friends, and just have a good time. it went even better than I expected. I had several drinks because the nice thing about going to a bar on your birthday(and letting people know that) is that folks want to buy you drinks to help you celebrate. I think the fact that it was my 30th made people want to help me celebrate it even more. I had gotten to the bar around 9:30 and there were a few people I knew already there that I was talking with, but the real good fun started around 11:00 or so when even more of my friends showed up.
My friends Team Rocket, P, RH,T, D, and AP helped me have a good time. After a couple of hours hanging out and having a few drinks it was time to go home. Now by this point I had been hitting on my friend AP for quite a bit and there was something I just had to do before I went home. So I told her I was getting ready to leave and asked her to step outside with me. Once we were outside I pulled her in and kissed her. If you ask me it was a pretty good kiss. I'm hoping she agrees as I plan to continue that at a later date. After that we exchanged numbers and I headed home.
So that's pretty much how my birthday went. I had a fantastic time and I can't believe haw lucky I am to have the life I do.
*The L in LA is not part of a name, it stands for Little.
Day 1(Pirate Fest)
The first day of my birthday celebration was September 25th 2011. It's one day before my birthday but it's also the day that most everyone I know and invited was(for the most part) off work. So the day started normal enough I got up ate some cereal and watched a bit of tv. The plan was for me to meet AH I at the Delmar Metrolink station as it was the easiest way for us to meet up to go to Pirate Fest.So I took a shower, got dressed in my Pirate Garb that I was going to wear for Fest, and headed out the door.I got to the Metrolink stop around 10:30 and went to the wrong end of the station. AH I called me to ask where I was and I walked down to the other end of the platform once I realized where she was. We left there and went to her place so that she could finish getting ready and we could wait on LA* and R. After everyone was ready we headed out to Wentzville for Pirate Fest. Stopped at Wendy's on the way to get food (yummy) and stayed on the highway the reast of the way. We got to Pirate Fest at about 12:30 or so. Me and LA went ahead in as AHI and R had some talking to do.
Now my friend J had texted me earlier to let me know that her and JB had a couple of tickets waiting for me and AH I. So me and LA get to the gate and we were talking about how this was going to work as AH I and R were still talking and there was only tickets for me and AHI. The plan had been that me and AHI would get those tickets and R would pay for himself and LA but things got easier when LA and I ran into MS I. I totally wouldn't have noticed her if she hadn't run up to me to say hi and give me a hug. I made introductions between her and LA and she asked me if we needed passes. I said yes right away. With the two she gave me that left the two that J left me and AH I for AH I and R instead. So after telling MS I to watch out for AH I, LA and I walked into Pirate Fest. While we were walking up the first hill LA saw a stand that was selling little flower head pices that she wanted to get. Since she didn't have to use the money her mom gave her for passes she used some of it for that. She asked me to hold the money for her after that because she didn't have any pockets and knew it would be safe with me. So after that we walked up the hill a bit more and we decided to go check out this juggler that looked to be having a cool show. I must say he was quite impressive. Especially when he gopped on a ball and started juggling fire. while I was watching the juggler I messaged AH I and told her about the two remaining tickets and that she should only take two as the other two were for Team Rocket(lol). admittedly I didn't call them that in the text but it works for here.
So after watching the juggler LA and I started walcing around. I stopped over to the Drcosinister Blades booth as I'm friends with the man who runs it and I wanted to say hi to him. while we were then I ran into a couple more of my friends we chatted for a bit but they were on their way out so they didn't stay very long. After that LA and I started walking up the hill and were trying to decide where to go next when i saw my friend MO working booth. I just had to go say hi. Turns out she wasn't feeling too well but it was good to see her. my friend AO was also there and it was good to see her as I hadn't seen her in quite a while. I was glad that, for the most part, she's been doing pretty good and was happy. LA and myself were getting ready to leave that booth when AH I and R caught up with us.
We all started walking together going further in to Pirate Fest when AH I said that she had to go find our friends L & M so she can take engagement photos for them. LA wanted to watch some hoola hoop performers that were supposed to do a fire performance. Since I wanted to see more of my friends it was decided that I would continue to walk with AH I and LA would stay and watch the show with R.
As I'm walkiing with AH I, I saw my friend DZ which was good as I had something to give him another friend had asked me to hold on to until I saw him. so I gave that and waved/said hi to a couple other friends and moved on.
Now it's at this point that I'm going to gloss over a good section of the rest of Pirate Fest because a.) I'd been drinking for quite a bit and the buzz that had built up was pretty strong,and b.)not much really happened other than just hanging out with friends and having a good time. I did get a really cool picture of three people dressed as Doctor Who plus a young lady who looked like Amy Pond. The funny thing is that the girl wasn't actually with them. I came across them as she was telling them how cool their costumes were and I happened to notice that she was a red head who did kind of look like the actress who plays Amy Pond on the current run of Doctor Who. There was laughs. A few jokes about L's level of drunkness. A bunch of us was using it as an adjective and I think she was wanting it used as a verb lol. During this time I did run into my friend AP and me and her had an illuminating talk(at least on my end)which helps me decide how I'm going to proceed on certain things(more about that in a later post). So after the hanging around, laughing, joking, and a bit more drinking on my part; not to mention some cool pictures taken by my friend MS I of me looking like a Pirate Pimp, it was time to leave as we had to be at Dave 7 Buster's.
Day 1(Dave & Buster's)
The second half of my birthday celebration for that day was at Dave & Buster's. Now if you've never been there the best way I could describe it is that it's like Chuck 'E' Cheese for adults; minus the giant mouse plus the addition of alcohol. Now by this point I was considerably back in the sober range but still having fun. The plan was originally to get there at 6 but it took a little longer to leave Pirate Fest than expected so we didn't get there until 6:30 or so. A couple of people were a little miffed about it and that was understandable as I didn't call to inform them about my late status but that's mainly because my phone had died (I really need to get a new battery). Luckily though once I got there things were all cool. The first friend I ran into was my friend X and her son. i made sure to go say hi to her so that she wouldn't leave because of how late I was. The I saw my friend C who was there with her boyfriend. Waiting not too far inside was AH II and the people with her. I was very happy to see her there to help me celebrate my birthday. while I was saying hi to folks AH I and R was parking their car, it was agreed that since I was late I should do damage control and make sure everyone was still in a good mood. So we went to get seats and the lady in charge of that put us at this long table over by the bar which was big enough to fit most of us. Shortly after I sat down MF (the girl I've been seeing) came in and sat next to me. She looked very pretty and I was very happy to see her too. She sat next to me and we snuggled a bit because we were happy to see each other. Not long after my friends JH, G, and MS II came in. They gave me a gift bag full of stuff from Metropolis I'LL which made me very happy. If you don't know I'm a huge superman fan and it was really cool that they did that.
Ok, I'll admit that at this point I was starting to get a bit teary eyed. You see in all the years I've been in the St. Louis area having real friends is relatively new to me; so the fact that all of these people came to clebrate my birthday with me was really neat and made me feel extra special and loved. I know for some people that may not seem like a huge thing but it is to me. I tried to thank everyone for coming but I kept getting teary and choked up so I stopped. I think everyone got what I was trying to say.
Shortly after this Team Rocket(sorry guys but it's too cute) arrived we then all ordered food and it was quite good. I ordered myself a drink that was really tasty. My buzz from earlier didn't come back because I was sober again by this point and it would have taken more than that one to bring it back. While we were waiting on out food my friends RC and S showed up. They didn't order anything as they had gone to eat after leaving Fest and they came to hang out. It was a really good time and the food was great. I walked out with AH II to her car at one point because she had a book I had bought from her that she wanted to give me. I'll admit I could have waited in the restaurant for her to come back but I had something of an ulterior motive for going with her ;). While me and her were standing outside talking my friends RS and ES showed up. I had told them we all were done eating and we were going to be playing games. they said that's cool they were going to play games too but were also going to order food. I said cool, as there were tables in game area they could eat at. Later on I went with MF to her car to drop off my gifts and left-overs(also with an ulterior motive on my part lol). We came back inside and went to play some games. I loved that. I played some skee-ball with MF, got a group together to play a trivia game that they had. it was fantastic. As the evening went on folks started to leave telling me good by and wishing me a happy birthday. Overall that day was a fantastic day, it was the best birthday celebration I've had since I was a little kid.
Day 2
Monday September 26th 2011 was my actual birthday. I didn't really do much during the day. I did make a nice Logan's Run reference on my facebook and fetlife pages though. I spent most of the day relaxing, drinking, and watching the movies Tron and Tron: Legacy. I picked Tron because it is a movie from my childhood that I loved and it's about as old as I am.
Later on I did more celebrating when I went to The Crack Fox for my birthday. Now I didn't make this a party but I knew a lot ofmy friends were going to be there for a different event. As I was running low on money I only took about seven dollars with me. I figured I'd have one drink, hang with my friends, and just have a good time. it went even better than I expected. I had several drinks because the nice thing about going to a bar on your birthday(and letting people know that) is that folks want to buy you drinks to help you celebrate. I think the fact that it was my 30th made people want to help me celebrate it even more. I had gotten to the bar around 9:30 and there were a few people I knew already there that I was talking with, but the real good fun started around 11:00 or so when even more of my friends showed up.
My friends Team Rocket, P, RH,T, D, and AP helped me have a good time. After a couple of hours hanging out and having a few drinks it was time to go home. Now by this point I had been hitting on my friend AP for quite a bit and there was something I just had to do before I went home. So I told her I was getting ready to leave and asked her to step outside with me. Once we were outside I pulled her in and kissed her. If you ask me it was a pretty good kiss. I'm hoping she agrees as I plan to continue that at a later date. After that we exchanged numbers and I headed home.
So that's pretty much how my birthday went. I had a fantastic time and I can't believe haw lucky I am to have the life I do.
*The L in LA is not part of a name, it stands for Little.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Random update
I'm sitting here bored at work and I realized I hadn't posted anything in a while(ok three weeks but it feels like it's been a while) so this is just a random blog. Let's see, well since my last post things have been going pretty well for me. The move into my new apartment went fantastically. I hired the moving company Two Men and a Truck to move my furniture and they did a great job. They showed up around 10:30 in the morning and the entire move was done in an hour. The guys who moved my stuff were pretty cool and were quite happy the move didn't take long. As a matter of fact one guy joked that it was so easy they should pay me(they didn't of course lol). I had planned to invite some friends over to hang out with me at my building's pool as the next day was labor day and they would be closing the pool after that; unfortunatly the weather gods decided not to cooperate and made it a cold and rainy day. So with that and, suprisingly, being tired from the stuff I moved by myself before the movers came I was wound up cancelling having people come over. I really do need to rechedule that.
About a week before the move I went to a party that was being thrown by my friends D & B. I had a great time; got to see and hang with good friends(some I hadn't seen in a while), got to know one friend just a bit better ;). I can't wait until the next party they throw.
It's funny that I mention those two things as they are sort of connected. Not really but on the same day that I moved into my new place I had a date with M, the friend I "connected" with at the party. After that I figured asking her out couldn't hurt. Well the date went pretty well. We went out to dinner and had good conversation to go with our really good food. It was different going out with someone I'd been running into for a couple of years. While we didn't really "know" each other we weren't strangers either. There was no pressure, I didn't feel the need to act like I had to impress her. I was able to be my relaxed self and didn't feel nervous at all which worked to my favor. We ended the night with a kiss and went our seperate ways but with plans to get together again soon. It's been about two weeks and I think things are going pretty well. I enjoy her company and she's said she enjoys mine too. It's nice to be dating someone where there is no pressure and things just feel relaxed.
I also recently got to be a part of Charolette Time's(stage name of course) first official burlesque performance, it was fantastic. She had asked me earlier in the week if I would be up for helping and I said of course. How could I not; she's really attractive, has an awesome personality, and if I thought I was her type I'd totally ask her out lol. Her performance was part of Subversion, which is a local awesome monthly event I go to, which had a country theme(it had a specific name but I suck at remembering it). The plan was that at one point she would point to me, have me come on stage, do some dancing and then kick me off. It went perfectly. I had a great time and friends who were there were telling me how cool that was; so I had a huge grin on my face for the rest of the night. Read her blog here, http://thelifeandcharlottetimes.com/, to see her post about it.
So all in all I've been having a great time making new friends, getting better connected with the ones I've already known for a bit. Next weekend is my birthday weekend. I'll be turning 30 on Monday September 26th. From what's planned, things are already looking to be great. So unless something huge happens between now and then, that is what my next post will be about.
About a week before the move I went to a party that was being thrown by my friends D & B. I had a great time; got to see and hang with good friends(some I hadn't seen in a while), got to know one friend just a bit better ;). I can't wait until the next party they throw.
It's funny that I mention those two things as they are sort of connected. Not really but on the same day that I moved into my new place I had a date with M, the friend I "connected" with at the party. After that I figured asking her out couldn't hurt. Well the date went pretty well. We went out to dinner and had good conversation to go with our really good food. It was different going out with someone I'd been running into for a couple of years. While we didn't really "know" each other we weren't strangers either. There was no pressure, I didn't feel the need to act like I had to impress her. I was able to be my relaxed self and didn't feel nervous at all which worked to my favor. We ended the night with a kiss and went our seperate ways but with plans to get together again soon. It's been about two weeks and I think things are going pretty well. I enjoy her company and she's said she enjoys mine too. It's nice to be dating someone where there is no pressure and things just feel relaxed.
I also recently got to be a part of Charolette Time's(stage name of course) first official burlesque performance, it was fantastic. She had asked me earlier in the week if I would be up for helping and I said of course. How could I not; she's really attractive, has an awesome personality, and if I thought I was her type I'd totally ask her out lol. Her performance was part of Subversion, which is a local awesome monthly event I go to, which had a country theme(it had a specific name but I suck at remembering it). The plan was that at one point she would point to me, have me come on stage, do some dancing and then kick me off. It went perfectly. I had a great time and friends who were there were telling me how cool that was; so I had a huge grin on my face for the rest of the night. Read her blog here, http://thelifeandcharlottetimes.com/, to see her post about it.
So all in all I've been having a great time making new friends, getting better connected with the ones I've already known for a bit. Next weekend is my birthday weekend. I'll be turning 30 on Monday September 26th. From what's planned, things are already looking to be great. So unless something huge happens between now and then, that is what my next post will be about.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Happy,
That's what I've been feeling lately. The last couple of weeks have been pretty good. On the 14th I went with my girl* C and saw Debbie Does Dallas:The Musical. It was a bery fun play, we laughed our asses off through the whole thing. I also thought it was really cool that someone I know was a cast member. I would have stopped and said hi after the show, but had to go before she came out of the dressing room. We had dinner before the play and had a chance to catch up as we hadn't seen each other in a while. It was a pretty good evening. On the 20th I saw A(another of my girls*) and we had a pretty good night with each other hanging at Rue 13(my favorite sushi bar). While we were out we hung out for a few minutes with our friend AH and her guy and chatted. A and AH pointed out that it might be a good idea to schedule my birthday party at Dave & Buster's a bit earlier so that me and those who attend would have more time to enjoy the evening and to allow those who might have to leave early time to come, enjoy my company, and leave early if they need to. so AH and her guy left and me and A hung out at Rue for a while longer just talking and having a good time. By the way I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing more heart warming than having someone you care about fall asleep in your arms. On the 23rd I was able to hang with my best friend who I hadn't seen in far too long. We weren't able to hang out for long but the little bit of time we did hang out was fun and we had some laughs and caught up with each other. On the 24th I went over to my girl* M's house. We had a very fun night. We talked and caught up, among other things. I had to get up extra early and head home in the morning only because I had to work and had quite a ways to travel. That was more of a last minute planned thing, otherwise I would have been better pre
This last week or so made me realize a couple things: 1.) My definition of love was way too ridgid and had been causing me really stupid angst for a long time, 2.) I fealize that I am loved. Not only in the romatic sense either (although that is a pleasant bonus). It occurs to me that I've had my head up my ass for quite a while now; now that I've pulled it out I've realized the world is a brighter place than I realized.
So I'll be moving into a new apartment next week, I'm looking forward to it. It's been three years since I lived by myself and it will be nice to get back to that. Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the last three years at my current place I just miss living by myself. My new place is going to be several blocks from my current one and I'll be on the 21st floor. I decided to get movers to move my furniture and stuff for me. I've had some friends offer to help me move which is really awesome but(at least this time) I've decided to be lazy and let someone else do all the work. I'll probably throw some sort of house warming party once I'm settled in and am confortable in my place.
I've also been making some new friends lately, which has been really cool. I even apeared in one's blog. In my opinion that is way awesome because to me that means I've become someone worth mentioning lol. I like making new friends and getting to know people; it's part of the reason I've felt these last 4 years have been amazing.
Right now I am enjoying life and feeling very happy. I don't know how long it will last but I plan on riding this wave for as long as it does.
*when I say "my girl" I mean one of my lovers. They are very important to me and when I mention them, I figure that makes it easier to have it come across who I'm refering to. Also I feel saying "My lover so and so" sounds really abnoxious and would rather just say "My girl" instead.*
This last week or so made me realize a couple things: 1.) My definition of love was way too ridgid and had been causing me really stupid angst for a long time, 2.) I fealize that I am loved. Not only in the romatic sense either (although that is a pleasant bonus). It occurs to me that I've had my head up my ass for quite a while now; now that I've pulled it out I've realized the world is a brighter place than I realized.
So I'll be moving into a new apartment next week, I'm looking forward to it. It's been three years since I lived by myself and it will be nice to get back to that. Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the last three years at my current place I just miss living by myself. My new place is going to be several blocks from my current one and I'll be on the 21st floor. I decided to get movers to move my furniture and stuff for me. I've had some friends offer to help me move which is really awesome but(at least this time) I've decided to be lazy and let someone else do all the work. I'll probably throw some sort of house warming party once I'm settled in and am confortable in my place.
I've also been making some new friends lately, which has been really cool. I even apeared in one's blog. In my opinion that is way awesome because to me that means I've become someone worth mentioning lol. I like making new friends and getting to know people; it's part of the reason I've felt these last 4 years have been amazing.
Right now I am enjoying life and feeling very happy. I don't know how long it will last but I plan on riding this wave for as long as it does.
*when I say "my girl" I mean one of my lovers. They are very important to me and when I mention them, I figure that makes it easier to have it come across who I'm refering to. Also I feel saying "My lover so and so" sounds really abnoxious and would rather just say "My girl" instead.*
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Attractive
Before I get into the meat of this let me start off by saying that if you are one of the friends this is sort of directed to, I consider you a good friend and always enjoy hanging out with you and I definetly hope you don't take this blog badly. Now, with that said(and I mean no disrespect when I say this):
FUCK YOU!!
I am really getting tired of the joke that folks like to say to me in regards of who I find attractive/date/fuck about how I like anything with a pulse that moves. Yes, I admit that I find a lot of women attractive. Tall, short, slender, bigger, large breasted, small breasted, whatever; I find women attractive. I don't really care if you agree with who I find attractive, because in all honesty it isn't for you. It's for me. Everyone has different things they find attractive in a person. There are things I'll find attractive in one person that I might not find attractive in another. If I point out to you a woman I think is cute/hot/fuckable I'm not doing it for you to approve, I'm doing it to express my opinion of what I find attractive. I get the fact that you might disagree with my opinion but unless you are planning on (if you are male) finding me someone or (if you are female) fucking/dating me yourself I don't need to hear it. If I only dated someone based on whether you found them attractive rather than what I thought I'd hardly be with anyone. I also acknowledge that I'm not the hottest guy in the world so not all the women I find attractive will find me attractive but I don't care. That doesn't change my opinion or my willingness to express it. I would hope that as my friend(s) you would at the very least accept that I like someone, even if you don't agree. There is a saying that "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one"; well I prefer "Opinions are like genitals, you can share them with whoever you want but in the end they belong to you." So while I appreciate the fact that you might disagree with my choices/opinions on who I find attractive I don't appreciate you feeling the need to act as if I should not like what I like because you don't.
That's all I wanted to say really. Admittedly in the grand scheme of things in life this isn't a super important thing but it's something that I just needed to get off my chest.
FUCK YOU!!
I am really getting tired of the joke that folks like to say to me in regards of who I find attractive/date/fuck about how I like anything with a pulse that moves. Yes, I admit that I find a lot of women attractive. Tall, short, slender, bigger, large breasted, small breasted, whatever; I find women attractive. I don't really care if you agree with who I find attractive, because in all honesty it isn't for you. It's for me. Everyone has different things they find attractive in a person. There are things I'll find attractive in one person that I might not find attractive in another. If I point out to you a woman I think is cute/hot/fuckable I'm not doing it for you to approve, I'm doing it to express my opinion of what I find attractive. I get the fact that you might disagree with my opinion but unless you are planning on (if you are male) finding me someone or (if you are female) fucking/dating me yourself I don't need to hear it. If I only dated someone based on whether you found them attractive rather than what I thought I'd hardly be with anyone. I also acknowledge that I'm not the hottest guy in the world so not all the women I find attractive will find me attractive but I don't care. That doesn't change my opinion or my willingness to express it. I would hope that as my friend(s) you would at the very least accept that I like someone, even if you don't agree. There is a saying that "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one"; well I prefer "Opinions are like genitals, you can share them with whoever you want but in the end they belong to you." So while I appreciate the fact that you might disagree with my choices/opinions on who I find attractive I don't appreciate you feeling the need to act as if I should not like what I like because you don't.
That's all I wanted to say really. Admittedly in the grand scheme of things in life this isn't a super important thing but it's something that I just needed to get off my chest.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Me and Polyamory
It's amazing how a lover can point something out to you that you've been avoiding even if you didn't realize you had been. So for a long time now (about a year or two) I've been thinking about Polyamory and how it relates to me. For the longest time I've been saying that it's not my thing and that I couldn't handle it. After some things said to me in a conversation I was in Saturday and talking to her last night I realized I've been running from the idea for a while. "Honey, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're poly" That one sentence put a lot of things in perspective. As some of my friends know I've been talking about poly for a while now and asking questions wondering what I'm missing about the whole thing trying to understand. If I'm honest with myself I was really hoping for some simple answer. To be fair, there is no such thing. The main reason she said that to me is that:
1.) I currently have three lovers that I get together with on occasion two of whom are poly themselves and one who is ok with me having other relationships.
2.) With the exceptions of a few times I've not actually been monogamous(the women I have been monogamous with are still in my fb friend's list though)
3.) As much as I would say I couldn't handle it, as long as I was aware of it upfront I actually have had no problems with it.
Honestly, she wasn't the first person to have ever suggested that to me over the last couple of years but she is the first to make me realize what I had been doing. I can't put my finger on the reasons why I've been trying to run from the idea of poly. Maybe it's because of sociaty, maybe it's because I tend to be stubborn, or it could even be that I've always had an idea in my head of what relationship I'd have and that does not fit. Then again (and this is the real reason) it could be all three. You know it's amazing how easy it is to lie to yourself. I guess it's because of all the people we know in life the one person we want to trust more than anyone is ourselves. Of course that's the one person we shouldn't trust.
One of the hurdles I've always claimed I had was jealousy, if I'm honest with myself in reality it's envy. Admittedly it is a thin line between the two, but there it is. I've always been envious of my friends who seem so happy in their relationships and I've wanted that happiness for myself for a long time. I've always tried to tell myself that I was going to find one person that would be everything to me as far as a relationship goes and in all honesty that is pretty much impossible. No one person can be everything to someone. As one or two people I've been involved with in the past have told me, there is no way anyone can actually live up to that sort of pressure. Hell, I can't even live up to that sort of pressure. I've come to realize that it is impossible for me to be someone's everything as I've come to realize, I don't want to be. The thought that it was what I wanted goes back to believing that that's what I was supposed to want. While I do believe that I can find true love I also realize that a.) I fall in love rather easily, b.) I'm ok with someone I'm with having other partners as long as they are upfront about it, and c.) I've got to stop confusing jealousy with envy.
Now while I'm able to admit this to myself(and I guess the world now) I'm not going to just start trying to form a relationship with any and every woman I can. I'm not ready for that at all. However, when I am ready to start dating or looking for a relationship again I'll be honest about this upfront. Both with myself and a potential partner. Does this mean I'm going to look for more than one partner when I start dating again; no, but I also won't be so closed off to the possibility of being involved with more than one person.
I realize this seems like a big backpedal or contradiction after one of the posts I made a couple of months back but looking back I realize I was ok with it then and I just used it as an excuse for not feeling as strong as I thought I should have felt.
As I said at the beginning of this post, it's amazing how a lover can make you realize something about yourself you didn't want to admit before. It's funny how admitting this has made me feel a lot better about my relationship past as well as be a bit less stressed about my relationship future. Alright, well I'm off to bed as I'm getting sleepy. All of this introspection is tiring after all.
1.) I currently have three lovers that I get together with on occasion two of whom are poly themselves and one who is ok with me having other relationships.
2.) With the exceptions of a few times I've not actually been monogamous(the women I have been monogamous with are still in my fb friend's list though)
3.) As much as I would say I couldn't handle it, as long as I was aware of it upfront I actually have had no problems with it.
Honestly, she wasn't the first person to have ever suggested that to me over the last couple of years but she is the first to make me realize what I had been doing. I can't put my finger on the reasons why I've been trying to run from the idea of poly. Maybe it's because of sociaty, maybe it's because I tend to be stubborn, or it could even be that I've always had an idea in my head of what relationship I'd have and that does not fit. Then again (and this is the real reason) it could be all three. You know it's amazing how easy it is to lie to yourself. I guess it's because of all the people we know in life the one person we want to trust more than anyone is ourselves. Of course that's the one person we shouldn't trust.
One of the hurdles I've always claimed I had was jealousy, if I'm honest with myself in reality it's envy. Admittedly it is a thin line between the two, but there it is. I've always been envious of my friends who seem so happy in their relationships and I've wanted that happiness for myself for a long time. I've always tried to tell myself that I was going to find one person that would be everything to me as far as a relationship goes and in all honesty that is pretty much impossible. No one person can be everything to someone. As one or two people I've been involved with in the past have told me, there is no way anyone can actually live up to that sort of pressure. Hell, I can't even live up to that sort of pressure. I've come to realize that it is impossible for me to be someone's everything as I've come to realize, I don't want to be. The thought that it was what I wanted goes back to believing that that's what I was supposed to want. While I do believe that I can find true love I also realize that a.) I fall in love rather easily, b.) I'm ok with someone I'm with having other partners as long as they are upfront about it, and c.) I've got to stop confusing jealousy with envy.
Now while I'm able to admit this to myself(and I guess the world now) I'm not going to just start trying to form a relationship with any and every woman I can. I'm not ready for that at all. However, when I am ready to start dating or looking for a relationship again I'll be honest about this upfront. Both with myself and a potential partner. Does this mean I'm going to look for more than one partner when I start dating again; no, but I also won't be so closed off to the possibility of being involved with more than one person.
I realize this seems like a big backpedal or contradiction after one of the posts I made a couple of months back but looking back I realize I was ok with it then and I just used it as an excuse for not feeling as strong as I thought I should have felt.
As I said at the beginning of this post, it's amazing how a lover can make you realize something about yourself you didn't want to admit before. It's funny how admitting this has made me feel a lot better about my relationship past as well as be a bit less stressed about my relationship future. Alright, well I'm off to bed as I'm getting sleepy. All of this introspection is tiring after all.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thoughts
Before I type this let me admit I'm rather drunk waiting on food at the moment.
Why the hell can't life be as easy as we want it to be. If it was up to me I'd be happy in a relationship enjoying someone's company hanging out with my friends and having a good time. Instead I'm doing the same things single which is very fun, but there are times where I wouldn't mind having someone to share it all with. Mind you this is not a depressed "Woe is me" sort of thing but more of a simple observation. I'm fast approaching 30 (two more months to be exact) and the fact that a lot of my friends who are younger than me are either in happy realtionships or planning marriages kind of makes me long for the same thing. I'll admit I tend to think about this a tad more when I'm drunk as opposed to when I'm sober. Why can't fining that special someone be as easy as everyone I know makes it seem. I don't know a single person who's story goes "After more than a decade of looking I finally found 'the one'" that would go a long way to making me feel a bit better about my single status. One thing I've come to realize is that I don't think I want kids of my own. Step kids are fine but I'm not really interested in having my own little rugrats running around that I may have to try and keep up with. Ok, post done. I'm sure my food will be ready soon and then I'll go home, eat , and then sleep. Night all have a good one :-)
Why the hell can't life be as easy as we want it to be. If it was up to me I'd be happy in a relationship enjoying someone's company hanging out with my friends and having a good time. Instead I'm doing the same things single which is very fun, but there are times where I wouldn't mind having someone to share it all with. Mind you this is not a depressed "Woe is me" sort of thing but more of a simple observation. I'm fast approaching 30 (two more months to be exact) and the fact that a lot of my friends who are younger than me are either in happy realtionships or planning marriages kind of makes me long for the same thing. I'll admit I tend to think about this a tad more when I'm drunk as opposed to when I'm sober. Why can't fining that special someone be as easy as everyone I know makes it seem. I don't know a single person who's story goes "After more than a decade of looking I finally found 'the one'" that would go a long way to making me feel a bit better about my single status. One thing I've come to realize is that I don't think I want kids of my own. Step kids are fine but I'm not really interested in having my own little rugrats running around that I may have to try and keep up with. Ok, post done. I'm sure my food will be ready soon and then I'll go home, eat , and then sleep. Night all have a good one :-)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
It seems I'm not a Vulcan after all
I like to think that I have a good handle on my emotions and how I react to stuff. Unfortunatly I've come to realize that as much as I want to I can't seem to control them. I always seem to find myself at one end of the spectrum or another. Either I don't feel as much as I should or I feel way too much too fast. Most times it doesn't cause any problems but when it comes to relationships I'll be dating someone (or starting to anyway) and I'll either not feel enough or fall head over heels for them, without any real transition in between. A friend who I was intimate with once told me that when I seem to fall head over heels for someone it can be intimadating because apparently it makes someone feel inadequate when they don't feel as strongly. They then feel bad because they feel responsible for my emotional state. I wish I could say that I knew why that happens but I can't. I sometimes feel like a frakking teenager, which sucks. One thing that sometimes bothers me is how quickly some of my emotions can switch off. All it will take is one action, sometimes even one word, and they'll shut off as if they never were. It makes me wish I had better control of them but writing this I realize that may be the problem. I spend so much time trying to control what I feel and when I feel it that I've possibly thrown myself off somehow. I realize I've frustrated some friends in conversations talking about how stuff people do sometimes confound me because there seems to be no logic in it. I've heard more than once "You can't always look at things logically", and I've argued that you can; but part of that is due to me trying too hard to control my emotions. Maybe I should learn to let some of that control go. Maybe if I do I'll find a much better balance within myself. I don't know, I might be weird or I might just be an average guy who is putting far too much thought into who he is and how he thinks and acts. Either way I hope I can reach a point where I'm not either ruled by my emotions or block them off completely. I will say though, that I'm glad for the friends I have who accept who I am regardless of how I might annoy them. They've gone a long way towards helping realize things about myself even if they don't realize how much of a help they've been. Well I'm done talking for now. Back to internalizing and spending too much time thinking about stuff.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Dumped
So on Wednesday July 13th 2011 at 1 pm I got dumped by my girlfriend. It was done while I was at work and through text message. I've got to say that really sucked. From my perspective this came out of nowhere. There was no fight, no big disagreement that led to it. We had just seen each other that morning and went to breakfast together as a matter of fact. She said she realized she wasn't as ready as she thought she was, which sounds a lot like "It's not you, it's me" to me. The worst part is as hurt and saddened by it I am I'm not angry. I really did care about her and saw a future with her in my life. If she called me tomorrow and said she wanted to get back together I'm not entirely sure I would turn her down. Most times when a relationship I'm in ends I can usually point to a reason, one that makes sense; but I can't see any real reason for it. The worse thing is the next day I see her add a guy as a friend on one of the social sites we share and I can't help but wonder if she really broke up with me because she is interested in that guy. It's possible that my mind is just grasping for some way to make sense of it, which is why I haven't gone all psyhco and messaged her asking who that guy is and accusing her of just being a coward and not being honest with me about her reasons. I know some people would say that a month is not really that long to be feeling so bad about a break up but I don't care how long it has been when you've formed a strong emotional connection with someone it still hurts. Ironically enough I had just gotten to the point where I didn't really care if I met anyone and was ready to delete my okcupid profile when she messaged me telling me that she liked my profile and was interested in getting to know me. Looking at the whole thing I can't help but feel like I was the test subject for an experiment to see if she could handle being in a full fledged relationship. I mean she messaged me first, she was the one who suggested us being bf/gf, and while I was the first to throw out the L word she seemed to feel the same and had no problem saying it too me. So I kind of feel like I was her equvalent to dipping her toes into the water to see if she was ready to jump in. I know it's probably irrational to think those things but I feel I'm allowed a little bit of irrationality at the moment. I have realized though that my ability to bounce back from heartache has improved. It probably helped that a good friend of mine MS went out with me and listened to me talk while I got drunk. I don't care what anyone says alcohol does do a good job of helping you feel better when bad shit happens in your life. So I'm back into the single world and am ok with it. I guess it was good I had finally reached the "I'm ok with being single" point before meeting her because I don't feel the need to reactivate my okcupid profile. I had deactivated it around the same time she deactivated hers thinking this was it and I was done lol. What I do plan on doing though is just living my life and enjoying myself. I'm going to party with some friends tonight, see Harry Potter this weekend, and try to go to a burlesque show next week where some friends of mine will be performing. If I meet someone new somewhere down the road cool, but for right now I'm not going to look for a relationship. Although I will say I could use a good fuck, after all, that works way better than alcohol in making somebody feel better about bad stuff.
There has been at least one good thing though. Actually it's seperate from the whole break-up thing. I got approved for a new apartment that I'll be moving into on the first of September. I like the building it's in. It's a one bedroom apartment in a high rise downtown that has a rooftop pool. That's actually my favorite part lol, with the way this summer has been I'm sure it will still be rediculously hot when I move so I'm totally looking forward to jumping in the pool. The only downside to this place is that fact that I've got to go back to paying to do my laundry. I haven't had to do that since my first apartment building. Looks like I'll have to make sure to keep some change around. I've had a few friends offer to help me move which I think is really cool and appreciate but I'm going to go the lazy route on this one and hire some movers. I'm doing that because I don't want to have to do any moving of the furniture myself. Like I said, the lazy route lol.
So was I hurt by the situation yes, am I going to let it keep me down, no. I do believe her when she says that she wasn't ready for things despite my bouts of irrationality and I hope that I'm wrong on that whole "dumped me to be with someone else" thought that's in the back of my head at the moment. Overall, I'll be fine, I'm still aliive after all. Which is probably good because I'm pretty sure I'd lose some friends if I were a zombie. Apparently people don't want to spend eternity as an undead rotting corpse that does nothing but eat flesh. Ironically enough though, spending eternity as a perfectly preserved undead corpse that drinks blood and can't go out into the sun is just fine though. ;) lol. Alright well my shift is about to start at work so let me get that over with so I can go hang out with friends, get drunk, and watch some hotties wrestle in olive oil. Ok, that sentence right there is one of the reasons that despite getting dumped I still love my life :-)
There has been at least one good thing though. Actually it's seperate from the whole break-up thing. I got approved for a new apartment that I'll be moving into on the first of September. I like the building it's in. It's a one bedroom apartment in a high rise downtown that has a rooftop pool. That's actually my favorite part lol, with the way this summer has been I'm sure it will still be rediculously hot when I move so I'm totally looking forward to jumping in the pool. The only downside to this place is that fact that I've got to go back to paying to do my laundry. I haven't had to do that since my first apartment building. Looks like I'll have to make sure to keep some change around. I've had a few friends offer to help me move which I think is really cool and appreciate but I'm going to go the lazy route on this one and hire some movers. I'm doing that because I don't want to have to do any moving of the furniture myself. Like I said, the lazy route lol.
So was I hurt by the situation yes, am I going to let it keep me down, no. I do believe her when she says that she wasn't ready for things despite my bouts of irrationality and I hope that I'm wrong on that whole "dumped me to be with someone else" thought that's in the back of my head at the moment. Overall, I'll be fine, I'm still aliive after all. Which is probably good because I'm pretty sure I'd lose some friends if I were a zombie. Apparently people don't want to spend eternity as an undead rotting corpse that does nothing but eat flesh. Ironically enough though, spending eternity as a perfectly preserved undead corpse that drinks blood and can't go out into the sun is just fine though. ;) lol. Alright well my shift is about to start at work so let me get that over with so I can go hang out with friends, get drunk, and watch some hotties wrestle in olive oil. Ok, that sentence right there is one of the reasons that despite getting dumped I still love my life :-)
Friday, June 3, 2011
St. Louis Ren Faire
So this past Monday, for the first time, I went to the St. Louis Ren Faire. I must say I had a blast. I rode out there with my friends J and R and got there a little after 12. After walking down the hill we got to the area where it was being held and it was like walking into another world(well more like another time to be honest lol). As soon as I walked in I already started seeing people I know. You see I have a bunch of friends who actually work the Faire. As a matter of fact all but a few of them do.
The first booth I stopped at was the booth for Dracosinister Blades. I know the man who runs it and I always like looking at what he has for sale. While I was there I said hi, shot the shit a bit, talked about the party that's being held in July that I plan to attend. I soon noticed that J and R was walking to a different spot and left to catch up with them. I rode with them after all and didn't want to get left behind. We walked up the hill stopping to say hi to folks here and there; when we decided to check the schedule to see what all was planned. We happened to notice that the band Musical Blades was going to be playing soon so we decided to head that way.
Let me stop for a second to mention that there was this really cute mime that stopped us as we were walking up the hill. It took me a minute to realize it but she was telling us that J was beautiful(no argument here) and that either R or myself should buy her a rose. I've got to say that that mime was so cute I wanted to take her somewhere and see if I could get her to make a sound or two ;). So back to the blog post.....
On the way to watch Musical Blades we happened to stop and watch a guy doing a show, pretty much caught the tail end of it but it was still cool as he was on a tightrope juggling torches. While I was standing there I happened to notice my friend MO's booth. I decided to go over and say hi because she's cool and I always enjoy hanging with her. She happened to be a bit on the tired side but still good company. We chatted for a bit before me, J, and R headed towards the show. After a while we noticed that it was close to show time so we moved a bit faster to get there.
It was a really good show. I'd seen these guys perform at The Crack Fox before for Subversion: Pirate Booty Edition and I really like their stuff. This show was exceptionally good because for this first show there wasn't a lot of people there so they decided to perform it right where the audience was instead of on the stage I have to say that that was really cool. It didn't hurt that I was in the next aisle enjoying the show. While we were sitting there we were enjoying a skin of mead that J and R had brought(J had the mead and R had the wineskin). Not long into the performance our friend AH came over and joined us. AH is pretty cool. I've hung out with her on several occasions and have always had a good time, today was no exception. We shared the mead with her and she pretty much joined us as we walked around Faire.
So after the show we decided to go check out the jousting on our way there J was approached by a woman who is a fan of hers(J happens to be a performer) it was really fun to watch as it was a total fangirl. Me and R joked about how we felt like we were hanging with a famous person and how we wanted our own fangirls.
Right before getting to the joust I happened to see my friend MS, who also happened to be working Faire.I decided to go say hi and she proceeds to give me a hug after having just gotten soaked with water to help her cool off. I had just seen her get wet so I shouldn't have been surprised. It was pretty funny. I will say having my shirt wet felt pretty good because it was a nice sunny day that was getting pretty hot. As we were talking MS noticed that I didn't have a hat on. She admonished me for not taking precautions to keep myself cool in the heat. So she wets a scarf and gives it to me to wear. I tried to argue but I've learned over the years not to for too long. To be fair it was a good thing I gave in because that wet scarf on my head did a pretty good job of keeping me cool for a while. Not long after that she had to take off as she was working and I couldn't keep her for too long. Luckily the joust are was right there so I didn't have to go far.
The joust was pretty fun to watch. I wound up cheering for the English guy as his opponent was a French guy(the setting for the Ren Faire was 16th century France after all). It was very fun to watch especially the actual jousting. I had tried to take some pictures of the moments when they clashed but unfortunatly my phone had a slight delay and I always missed it by a couple of seconds. So after the joust was done I went to find J, R, and AH who were standing over by a tree. I was curious as to why they moved and they told me about this asshat who got a bug up his butt because J happended to say crotch near his kid. We were getting ready to leave the joust when we noticed CM stanging nearby. He was selling pickles and we decide to go say hi. I forgot who mentioned it first but there was talk about how another friend of ours, AO, could suck the inside out of a pickle. I bought the first pickle and thus begins the hunt to find a straw and AO.
J, myself, and R were so interested in seeing this the first thing we did was go hunt for a straw as one was needed to make this stunt happen. On the way we ran into more people we know. I stopped at another weapons shop and wound up buying this dagger that I thought looked really cool. We eventually made our way back to the booth where MO was and guess who was there but AO so we told her how we wanted to see the pickle thing but it turns out the pickle we had was too small. We were ready to give up on this when lucky us CM happened to show up with his bucket of pickles. It was on now. So a straw was produced and AO proceeded to try and suck the inside out of the pickle. Unfortunatly it didn't quite work out as the second pickle that got picked wasn't big enough either. While we were standing there laughing and talking I noticed someone was selling roses. I decided to buy three of them and Gave one to MO, one to AO, and one to J. I must say, big beautiful cleavage is a perfect place to hold a rose lol. It was definetly a gorgeous site :). While standing there I noticed MS had shown up and I went and chatted with her some more as we hadn't hung out in a while and it gave us a chance to catch up.
Not too much later we decided it was time for food as we had been drinking for a bit and had gotten hungry. On the way to food though we became distracted by belly dancers; three of them with my favorite being the tall, busty , brunette who looked stunning. After the belly dancers there was a guy who twirled fire. He was cool but the one I thought was the most entertaining was another friend of mine S. She was performing her own fire performance that was funny and cool. I even got added as part of the show. She used me as the unknown "member of the audience"(doubt anyone bought it but I think that was the idea lol). It was really cool because she twirled fire inches from my face and I could feel the warmth of the flames. By the way I've got to say watching someone do a fire performance without music in the background is really cool because the sound the fire makes as it twirls and spins is awesome. So after saying hi to S and chatting for a bit it was off for food.
We didn't have to walk too far as a food stand wasn real close. On the way there I ran into another friend KW who I had run into earlier and was really interested in the shirts he said he had. After seeing them I really wanted to buy one but unfortunatly I did not have enough money to buy one. R had the same problem but I know that one of these days I'll get one hopefully before Pirate Fest. At the food stand I happened to run into T. The same T from my Conflation post. We shot the shit a bit and I asked him if he was going to the party I mentioned earlier. He said yeah and I asked if I could ride with him and he said yeah so I was like woohoo.
After eating we went ahead and watched one of the ending shows they were having for the day. There were two and the other one was at the other end of the park. The one we chose had another performance by Musical Blades which was cool. There was also some humor, a guy playing on an instrument I don't quite know the name of, and overall good entertainment.
After all of that it was time to leave as Faire for the weekend was over. I looked at my watch and realized five or six hours had passed. You know you've had a good time when that much time has gone by and you didn't even realize it. On the way out we stopped at one more booth and chatted with some more friends. We chatted with TM(CM's wife), her mom AC, and KG. S also stopped by and we all just chilled and hung out for a bit. I bought this cool mask that I would love to do a costume with if I can figure out how to wear it and still be able to see. This mask does not work with my glasses lol. After a while we left as we kind of had to. It is really cool knowing a bunch of people who work the Ren Faire because it makes the experience even more fun than just going as a patron.
So that was most of my day at the St. Louis Ren Faire. Admittedly I didn't talk about everything this is mostly the highlight as there was quite a bit of walking around and just standing and talking but it was all fun. I will say though I am very glad I have good legs. This is definetly not something to do if you can't walk very well not without a wheel chair or something. So after Faire we all went over to another mutual friend AS's how and hung out with her and G for a little bit before going to eat at Hibachi Grill. The food there was really good. Once dinner was done they dropped me off at home and that was the end of a really great day.
The first booth I stopped at was the booth for Dracosinister Blades. I know the man who runs it and I always like looking at what he has for sale. While I was there I said hi, shot the shit a bit, talked about the party that's being held in July that I plan to attend. I soon noticed that J and R was walking to a different spot and left to catch up with them. I rode with them after all and didn't want to get left behind. We walked up the hill stopping to say hi to folks here and there; when we decided to check the schedule to see what all was planned. We happened to notice that the band Musical Blades was going to be playing soon so we decided to head that way.
Let me stop for a second to mention that there was this really cute mime that stopped us as we were walking up the hill. It took me a minute to realize it but she was telling us that J was beautiful(no argument here) and that either R or myself should buy her a rose. I've got to say that that mime was so cute I wanted to take her somewhere and see if I could get her to make a sound or two ;). So back to the blog post.....
On the way to watch Musical Blades we happened to stop and watch a guy doing a show, pretty much caught the tail end of it but it was still cool as he was on a tightrope juggling torches. While I was standing there I happened to notice my friend MO's booth. I decided to go over and say hi because she's cool and I always enjoy hanging with her. She happened to be a bit on the tired side but still good company. We chatted for a bit before me, J, and R headed towards the show. After a while we noticed that it was close to show time so we moved a bit faster to get there.
It was a really good show. I'd seen these guys perform at The Crack Fox before for Subversion: Pirate Booty Edition and I really like their stuff. This show was exceptionally good because for this first show there wasn't a lot of people there so they decided to perform it right where the audience was instead of on the stage I have to say that that was really cool. It didn't hurt that I was in the next aisle enjoying the show. While we were sitting there we were enjoying a skin of mead that J and R had brought(J had the mead and R had the wineskin). Not long into the performance our friend AH came over and joined us. AH is pretty cool. I've hung out with her on several occasions and have always had a good time, today was no exception. We shared the mead with her and she pretty much joined us as we walked around Faire.
So after the show we decided to go check out the jousting on our way there J was approached by a woman who is a fan of hers(J happens to be a performer) it was really fun to watch as it was a total fangirl. Me and R joked about how we felt like we were hanging with a famous person and how we wanted our own fangirls.
Right before getting to the joust I happened to see my friend MS, who also happened to be working Faire.I decided to go say hi and she proceeds to give me a hug after having just gotten soaked with water to help her cool off. I had just seen her get wet so I shouldn't have been surprised. It was pretty funny. I will say having my shirt wet felt pretty good because it was a nice sunny day that was getting pretty hot. As we were talking MS noticed that I didn't have a hat on. She admonished me for not taking precautions to keep myself cool in the heat. So she wets a scarf and gives it to me to wear. I tried to argue but I've learned over the years not to for too long. To be fair it was a good thing I gave in because that wet scarf on my head did a pretty good job of keeping me cool for a while. Not long after that she had to take off as she was working and I couldn't keep her for too long. Luckily the joust are was right there so I didn't have to go far.
The joust was pretty fun to watch. I wound up cheering for the English guy as his opponent was a French guy(the setting for the Ren Faire was 16th century France after all). It was very fun to watch especially the actual jousting. I had tried to take some pictures of the moments when they clashed but unfortunatly my phone had a slight delay and I always missed it by a couple of seconds. So after the joust was done I went to find J, R, and AH who were standing over by a tree. I was curious as to why they moved and they told me about this asshat who got a bug up his butt because J happended to say crotch near his kid. We were getting ready to leave the joust when we noticed CM stanging nearby. He was selling pickles and we decide to go say hi. I forgot who mentioned it first but there was talk about how another friend of ours, AO, could suck the inside out of a pickle. I bought the first pickle and thus begins the hunt to find a straw and AO.
J, myself, and R were so interested in seeing this the first thing we did was go hunt for a straw as one was needed to make this stunt happen. On the way we ran into more people we know. I stopped at another weapons shop and wound up buying this dagger that I thought looked really cool. We eventually made our way back to the booth where MO was and guess who was there but AO so we told her how we wanted to see the pickle thing but it turns out the pickle we had was too small. We were ready to give up on this when lucky us CM happened to show up with his bucket of pickles. It was on now. So a straw was produced and AO proceeded to try and suck the inside out of the pickle. Unfortunatly it didn't quite work out as the second pickle that got picked wasn't big enough either. While we were standing there laughing and talking I noticed someone was selling roses. I decided to buy three of them and Gave one to MO, one to AO, and one to J. I must say, big beautiful cleavage is a perfect place to hold a rose lol. It was definetly a gorgeous site :). While standing there I noticed MS had shown up and I went and chatted with her some more as we hadn't hung out in a while and it gave us a chance to catch up.
Not too much later we decided it was time for food as we had been drinking for a bit and had gotten hungry. On the way to food though we became distracted by belly dancers; three of them with my favorite being the tall, busty , brunette who looked stunning. After the belly dancers there was a guy who twirled fire. He was cool but the one I thought was the most entertaining was another friend of mine S. She was performing her own fire performance that was funny and cool. I even got added as part of the show. She used me as the unknown "member of the audience"(doubt anyone bought it but I think that was the idea lol). It was really cool because she twirled fire inches from my face and I could feel the warmth of the flames. By the way I've got to say watching someone do a fire performance without music in the background is really cool because the sound the fire makes as it twirls and spins is awesome. So after saying hi to S and chatting for a bit it was off for food.
We didn't have to walk too far as a food stand wasn real close. On the way there I ran into another friend KW who I had run into earlier and was really interested in the shirts he said he had. After seeing them I really wanted to buy one but unfortunatly I did not have enough money to buy one. R had the same problem but I know that one of these days I'll get one hopefully before Pirate Fest. At the food stand I happened to run into T. The same T from my Conflation post. We shot the shit a bit and I asked him if he was going to the party I mentioned earlier. He said yeah and I asked if I could ride with him and he said yeah so I was like woohoo.
After eating we went ahead and watched one of the ending shows they were having for the day. There were two and the other one was at the other end of the park. The one we chose had another performance by Musical Blades which was cool. There was also some humor, a guy playing on an instrument I don't quite know the name of, and overall good entertainment.
After all of that it was time to leave as Faire for the weekend was over. I looked at my watch and realized five or six hours had passed. You know you've had a good time when that much time has gone by and you didn't even realize it. On the way out we stopped at one more booth and chatted with some more friends. We chatted with TM(CM's wife), her mom AC, and KG. S also stopped by and we all just chilled and hung out for a bit. I bought this cool mask that I would love to do a costume with if I can figure out how to wear it and still be able to see. This mask does not work with my glasses lol. After a while we left as we kind of had to. It is really cool knowing a bunch of people who work the Ren Faire because it makes the experience even more fun than just going as a patron.
So that was most of my day at the St. Louis Ren Faire. Admittedly I didn't talk about everything this is mostly the highlight as there was quite a bit of walking around and just standing and talking but it was all fun. I will say though I am very glad I have good legs. This is definetly not something to do if you can't walk very well not without a wheel chair or something. So after Faire we all went over to another mutual friend AS's how and hung out with her and G for a little bit before going to eat at Hibachi Grill. The food there was really good. Once dinner was done they dropped me off at home and that was the end of a really great day.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Conflation
So back in February I went to a very fun event called Conflation. This is my memory of that weekend.
Day 1
I arrived at the hotel around 2; after having taken a shuttle from the airport. I took the shuttle due to the fact that I am currently without a car and without getting a ride from someone it was the only way I could get there. So I arrive at the hotel and I already see some friends so I have a feeling it is going to be a good weekend. I get to the counter and hand them my debit card to check in to my room only to find out that it was declined; the reason it was declined is because obviously there was no money on it. I'll admit I was surprised it was declined as I had checked at a hotel with no money on it before. Both times I expected to get paid the next day (which I did) so it wasn't a real problem; or so I thought. It turns out that this particular hotel charges the card at the time of check in and finalized the charge at check out. It wouldn't have been so bad except last year my bank had made it so you can't overdraft your account. Luckily for me my friend T was standing nearby and I was able to ask him if I could check in using his card. The hotel said as long as I paid in cash when I checked out he wouldn't be charged. He said yes and I was all set. So after checking in I go to my room and drop off my stuff. On the way upstairs T told me where his room was and to stop by to hang if I wanted so after dropping off my stuff that's what I did. Once I got there I see he has is sharing a room with my friends SC (don't know his last name so I used the initials of his nickname) and P. Was surprised to see P but thought it was cool to see her. So while we were hanging out T pulled out a bunch of shirts he was planning on selling at the con. They were some really cool shirts and if I didn't also have to pay rent with this check I would have bought a couple. He had me try on this jacket that looked really cool and I was surprised to discover it fit. I had been losing weight for a while and since it was an L I figured it wouldn't fit. Turns out it's cut for a bigger guy in general and apparently I've lost more weight than I thought. So after hanging out in his room for a bit T and SC mentioned taking a ride to run a couple of errands and asked if I wanted to ride; I said sure. So SC said he was going to take a shower and he'd meet us downstairs. Since he said it was going to take a bit I chose to walk around and explore the con a bit. So I went to the end of the hall to check out the Con Suite; which is essentially a room where there are drinks and snacks for folks to enjoy through out the con. I was both surprised and pleased to walk in the room and have several people greet me by name as soon as I walked in. It was really cool as I hadn't seen some of these folks since Conflation last year. I hung around and sociallized a bit before going downstairs to wait for T and SC. While down there I ran into a few more friends who I said hi to and was glad to see. So T and SC come down and we rode to the house T was staying and a couple of stores to pick up some stuff. It was a pretty nice ride. On the way back rom T's place he showed me the place where my best friend X is currently staying. So we go back to the hotel in time for opening ceremonies. I run into more friends including a good friend of mine MO. She is an awesome person I always enjoy her company and have fun whenever we hang out. So I chatted with her and a few other people I knew and eventually went to opening ceremonies. They pretty much told us what all was planned for the weekend and introduced us to the special guests for the weekend. During the ceremonies they announced that there would be a charity fashion show later that evening and they needed people to model stuff. I decided to try and model when a friend of mine B said he donated a bunch of clothes for it because they didn't fit since he had lost some weight. I went to the room where the clothes were being kept so I could at least see if they fit. Not only did they fit but there was actually quite a bit of room left over in the shirts. I must say that I loved one aspect of being a "model" the most and that is how comfortable the other people modeling were around each other. Hey, I'm a straight male after all ;). So anyway while I was trying on clothes I got a call from my friend J who told me he had part of my costume and I needed to come to his room to get it. So I go grab that, talk about the announcment that was made during the opening ceremonies that might affect our costumes, drop it off in my room, and then head back to try on more clothes. When I got back to the room where the clothes were there were a couple more guys there which was cool because my friend B dropped off more clothes than I thought and a couple of which didn't come close to fitting me. So after trying everything on they told us what time the show would be and I headed back downstairs to watch the performances of a burlesque performer friend of mine by the name of Allura Fett ( I make an exception with her name as it is a stage name and the more press she gets the better). On the way to watching the performances I was stopped by my friend G who is J's wife. She told me that there was someone J wanted to introduce me to who he thought I'd hit it off with. I said cool and told her I looked forward to meeting this friend. I then continue on to watch Allura's preformances. After her second performance I had to go change for the fashion show since we were next. Modeling for the fashion show was very fun indeed. It was being mc'd by a guy I know SP who is a pretty funny guy. I played up to the crowd as much as I could whenever it was my turn and had the shirt I was wearing taken off by some beautiful women a couple of times and once by my friend J for laughs. My favorite part of the fashion show was when I modeled my friend B's old tux. It has become apparent that I look very good in a three piece style tux as for the second time I was complimented quite a lot while wearing a tux. So I modeled the shit out of that tux to a lot of cheers. It raised the most money out of the clothes I had worn. My favorite part was when the top part of it was removed very sensually by K, a very gorgoeus redhead that I'm glad to know. So after the fashion show I decide to walk around and ran into the woman my friend J wanted me to meet. I had actually ran into her earlier and made an introduction. She was very cute imo and she seemed like someone I'd like. So we chatted a bit and decided to go back to my room. There we had ourselves a bit of fun. Afterwards we left the room because she had to work an overnight shift that night and walked down to the con suite. We sat and chatted for a bit and then she started talking with a friend of hers and I talked to J who happened to be there. So I eventually got up to walk around and ran into another friend of mine(whose initials I can't quite remember atm) who was hanging out with a rather attractive friend of hers with the initials CC. After a while I walked around and ran into T and P. I hung out with them for a bit before going back to the friend whose initials i can't remember's room (pretty easy as she was across the hall lol) while there I had a few drinks and sat and chatted. CC had gotten bound by a guy I'd run into a few times who had been participating in a pretty good bondage panel performed by SP earlier that evening. So after all that was done and she had enjoyed being bound quite a bit I decided to go to my room further down the hall to get the bottle of rum I had brought with me. I came back and hung out for a bit more before going downstairs with my friend and CC who had gone outside to smoke. Man it was really cold. So after a while, around 4 a.m. I decided to go to bed.
Day 2
The next day I woke up at 8 am because I was going to try and get a money order so that I could use it to pay my rent and after that day it would be late. I went down to the con suite where I ran into CC who was getting a back massage. She was a bit tired and kind of hung over so I said hi and then went to go eat breakfast. I went downstairs and grabbed a couple of bowls of cereal and just relaxed. Not much really goes on during the day on the second day of Conflation as most folks sleep until the afternoon so all I really did was walk around and socialize a bit. I ran into my friend MO who had hooked up with a guy the night before. We high fived and congratulated each other on our hook ups (we had done it the night before but always good to do again). So I did some more scoializing and hanging out until it was time for the dance and virgin raffle. It was around about 7 or 8 in the evening that everyone was getting together for more partying. This is where the annoncement I mentioned earlier becomes a problem. You see during opening ceremonies they annonced that in certain areas of the hotel alcohol would not be allowed as the bar in the hotel is seperate from the hotel and don't like outside alcohol in their area. This was a problem because myself, J, and a few other people had costumes that were all alcohol themed. I was The Incredible Keg. So after having gotten strapped in and had a couple of pictures taken I took off the alcoholic part of my costume and went downstairs. Once I got down there I was able to see a bunch of really good costumes; one of which was worn by my friend CR who was dressed as Poison Ivy. I had ran into my friend CR earlier and had let her drop off her stuff in my room as she wasn't staying in the hotel and needed a place to stash it. I gave her a spare room key so she could get into the room without having to spend a long time searching for me. So while I was downstairs they held what is called The Virgin Raffle. This is the part of Conflation where they raffle off the folks who are "Con virgins" so that they can get to know folks and have fun. It was very fun to watch this year. Last year I was myself a con virgin so I enjoyed just watching it this year. Next year I'll probably get a couple raffle tickets. I just remembered I should mention that before coming down to the "Virgin Raffle" I had ran into CC and managed to hook up with her. I must say it was very good and I enjoyed it very very much :). Two very good times as a matter of fact. So after the raffle I ran into CC again and we hung out a bit. During that time I ran into K and talked with her and found out she had broken up with the guy she had been seeing for a while. I had run into her quite a few times since the day before and each time it was quite interesting. Interesting enough that I definetly decided to ask her out when I got the chance (she said yes by the way). So K wound up leaving and I ran into CC again. By this point I was starting to get sleepy and decided to go to bed but I figured I'd go for one more romp with CC. After hanging out for a bit walking around we went back to my room and had more fun :). By this point CR had grabbed her stuff as I had told her I was going to sleep and she had wanted to grab her stuff and shower before I crashed. I've got to say CR was cool because I had told her that I was going to hook up with CC both earlier and later and she made sure not to stop by the room. I must add that this hotel had an ingenious do not disturb sign as theirs could be put into the key card reader to stop housekeeping from coming in. Works great for keeping out someone using a spare key card. So after CC left, even though I wanted her to stay with me that night she still wanted to hang with folks, I walked around for a bit and then went to sleep.
Day 3
This was the last day of the con. Again I woke up early, around 8:30 and went to the con suite. While I was there I ran into CC who apparently had not gone to sleep and was still a bit drunk from partying from the night before. We chatted for a while and hung out before I went downstairs where they had...WAFFLES. Yaaaaay, was my first reaction followed by yummm. So I made myself some waffles and they were very tasty. Waffle maker + premade batter = win. After breakfast I walked around a bit and did some more socializing before finding out that check out was at 11 instead of 12 like at most hotels. So I grabbed my stuff (had packed the night before so I wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning) and went to check out. I dropped my stuff in the con suite as I was checking out but wasn't going to leave yet. I went to the front desk and payed in cash so T's card didn't get charged and then went to closing ceremonies. I should mention that during the weekend they were giving beads to those who were having a lot of fun and those of us who had participated in the fashion show. The point of the beads were to exchange them for stuff that the folks who ran the con had to give away. I had picked up a yo-yo, another cool toy, and a spiderman button. I also was able to get a really cool book (which I enjoyed reading) for being in the fashion show (they had let us go and pick out stuff without needing beads). After closing ceremonies they held a raffle which I had bought tickets for earlier. I won a seasonings basket (which I kept) and a basket of craft supplies which I gave to my friend J for his birthday (which was that weekend) he really liked it. So afterwards there was an auction where I won this really cool bag for $25 and then everyone said their goodbyes. I ran into the other girl I had hooked up with and we exchanged numbers so we could keep in touch. So I hung out and socialized for a couple more hours and then went home.
Overall it was a great weekend and I had tons of fun.
Day 1
I arrived at the hotel around 2; after having taken a shuttle from the airport. I took the shuttle due to the fact that I am currently without a car and without getting a ride from someone it was the only way I could get there. So I arrive at the hotel and I already see some friends so I have a feeling it is going to be a good weekend. I get to the counter and hand them my debit card to check in to my room only to find out that it was declined; the reason it was declined is because obviously there was no money on it. I'll admit I was surprised it was declined as I had checked at a hotel with no money on it before. Both times I expected to get paid the next day (which I did) so it wasn't a real problem; or so I thought. It turns out that this particular hotel charges the card at the time of check in and finalized the charge at check out. It wouldn't have been so bad except last year my bank had made it so you can't overdraft your account. Luckily for me my friend T was standing nearby and I was able to ask him if I could check in using his card. The hotel said as long as I paid in cash when I checked out he wouldn't be charged. He said yes and I was all set. So after checking in I go to my room and drop off my stuff. On the way upstairs T told me where his room was and to stop by to hang if I wanted so after dropping off my stuff that's what I did. Once I got there I see he has is sharing a room with my friends SC (don't know his last name so I used the initials of his nickname) and P. Was surprised to see P but thought it was cool to see her. So while we were hanging out T pulled out a bunch of shirts he was planning on selling at the con. They were some really cool shirts and if I didn't also have to pay rent with this check I would have bought a couple. He had me try on this jacket that looked really cool and I was surprised to discover it fit. I had been losing weight for a while and since it was an L I figured it wouldn't fit. Turns out it's cut for a bigger guy in general and apparently I've lost more weight than I thought. So after hanging out in his room for a bit T and SC mentioned taking a ride to run a couple of errands and asked if I wanted to ride; I said sure. So SC said he was going to take a shower and he'd meet us downstairs. Since he said it was going to take a bit I chose to walk around and explore the con a bit. So I went to the end of the hall to check out the Con Suite; which is essentially a room where there are drinks and snacks for folks to enjoy through out the con. I was both surprised and pleased to walk in the room and have several people greet me by name as soon as I walked in. It was really cool as I hadn't seen some of these folks since Conflation last year. I hung around and sociallized a bit before going downstairs to wait for T and SC. While down there I ran into a few more friends who I said hi to and was glad to see. So T and SC come down and we rode to the house T was staying and a couple of stores to pick up some stuff. It was a pretty nice ride. On the way back rom T's place he showed me the place where my best friend X is currently staying. So we go back to the hotel in time for opening ceremonies. I run into more friends including a good friend of mine MO. She is an awesome person I always enjoy her company and have fun whenever we hang out. So I chatted with her and a few other people I knew and eventually went to opening ceremonies. They pretty much told us what all was planned for the weekend and introduced us to the special guests for the weekend. During the ceremonies they announced that there would be a charity fashion show later that evening and they needed people to model stuff. I decided to try and model when a friend of mine B said he donated a bunch of clothes for it because they didn't fit since he had lost some weight. I went to the room where the clothes were being kept so I could at least see if they fit. Not only did they fit but there was actually quite a bit of room left over in the shirts. I must say that I loved one aspect of being a "model" the most and that is how comfortable the other people modeling were around each other. Hey, I'm a straight male after all ;). So anyway while I was trying on clothes I got a call from my friend J who told me he had part of my costume and I needed to come to his room to get it. So I go grab that, talk about the announcment that was made during the opening ceremonies that might affect our costumes, drop it off in my room, and then head back to try on more clothes. When I got back to the room where the clothes were there were a couple more guys there which was cool because my friend B dropped off more clothes than I thought and a couple of which didn't come close to fitting me. So after trying everything on they told us what time the show would be and I headed back downstairs to watch the performances of a burlesque performer friend of mine by the name of Allura Fett ( I make an exception with her name as it is a stage name and the more press she gets the better). On the way to watching the performances I was stopped by my friend G who is J's wife. She told me that there was someone J wanted to introduce me to who he thought I'd hit it off with. I said cool and told her I looked forward to meeting this friend. I then continue on to watch Allura's preformances. After her second performance I had to go change for the fashion show since we were next. Modeling for the fashion show was very fun indeed. It was being mc'd by a guy I know SP who is a pretty funny guy. I played up to the crowd as much as I could whenever it was my turn and had the shirt I was wearing taken off by some beautiful women a couple of times and once by my friend J for laughs. My favorite part of the fashion show was when I modeled my friend B's old tux. It has become apparent that I look very good in a three piece style tux as for the second time I was complimented quite a lot while wearing a tux. So I modeled the shit out of that tux to a lot of cheers. It raised the most money out of the clothes I had worn. My favorite part was when the top part of it was removed very sensually by K, a very gorgoeus redhead that I'm glad to know. So after the fashion show I decide to walk around and ran into the woman my friend J wanted me to meet. I had actually ran into her earlier and made an introduction. She was very cute imo and she seemed like someone I'd like. So we chatted a bit and decided to go back to my room. There we had ourselves a bit of fun. Afterwards we left the room because she had to work an overnight shift that night and walked down to the con suite. We sat and chatted for a bit and then she started talking with a friend of hers and I talked to J who happened to be there. So I eventually got up to walk around and ran into another friend of mine(whose initials I can't quite remember atm) who was hanging out with a rather attractive friend of hers with the initials CC. After a while I walked around and ran into T and P. I hung out with them for a bit before going back to the friend whose initials i can't remember's room (pretty easy as she was across the hall lol) while there I had a few drinks and sat and chatted. CC had gotten bound by a guy I'd run into a few times who had been participating in a pretty good bondage panel performed by SP earlier that evening. So after all that was done and she had enjoyed being bound quite a bit I decided to go to my room further down the hall to get the bottle of rum I had brought with me. I came back and hung out for a bit more before going downstairs with my friend and CC who had gone outside to smoke. Man it was really cold. So after a while, around 4 a.m. I decided to go to bed.
Day 2
The next day I woke up at 8 am because I was going to try and get a money order so that I could use it to pay my rent and after that day it would be late. I went down to the con suite where I ran into CC who was getting a back massage. She was a bit tired and kind of hung over so I said hi and then went to go eat breakfast. I went downstairs and grabbed a couple of bowls of cereal and just relaxed. Not much really goes on during the day on the second day of Conflation as most folks sleep until the afternoon so all I really did was walk around and socialize a bit. I ran into my friend MO who had hooked up with a guy the night before. We high fived and congratulated each other on our hook ups (we had done it the night before but always good to do again). So I did some more scoializing and hanging out until it was time for the dance and virgin raffle. It was around about 7 or 8 in the evening that everyone was getting together for more partying. This is where the annoncement I mentioned earlier becomes a problem. You see during opening ceremonies they annonced that in certain areas of the hotel alcohol would not be allowed as the bar in the hotel is seperate from the hotel and don't like outside alcohol in their area. This was a problem because myself, J, and a few other people had costumes that were all alcohol themed. I was The Incredible Keg. So after having gotten strapped in and had a couple of pictures taken I took off the alcoholic part of my costume and went downstairs. Once I got down there I was able to see a bunch of really good costumes; one of which was worn by my friend CR who was dressed as Poison Ivy. I had ran into my friend CR earlier and had let her drop off her stuff in my room as she wasn't staying in the hotel and needed a place to stash it. I gave her a spare room key so she could get into the room without having to spend a long time searching for me. So while I was downstairs they held what is called The Virgin Raffle. This is the part of Conflation where they raffle off the folks who are "Con virgins" so that they can get to know folks and have fun. It was very fun to watch this year. Last year I was myself a con virgin so I enjoyed just watching it this year. Next year I'll probably get a couple raffle tickets. I just remembered I should mention that before coming down to the "Virgin Raffle" I had ran into CC and managed to hook up with her. I must say it was very good and I enjoyed it very very much :). Two very good times as a matter of fact. So after the raffle I ran into CC again and we hung out a bit. During that time I ran into K and talked with her and found out she had broken up with the guy she had been seeing for a while. I had run into her quite a few times since the day before and each time it was quite interesting. Interesting enough that I definetly decided to ask her out when I got the chance (she said yes by the way). So K wound up leaving and I ran into CC again. By this point I was starting to get sleepy and decided to go to bed but I figured I'd go for one more romp with CC. After hanging out for a bit walking around we went back to my room and had more fun :). By this point CR had grabbed her stuff as I had told her I was going to sleep and she had wanted to grab her stuff and shower before I crashed. I've got to say CR was cool because I had told her that I was going to hook up with CC both earlier and later and she made sure not to stop by the room. I must add that this hotel had an ingenious do not disturb sign as theirs could be put into the key card reader to stop housekeeping from coming in. Works great for keeping out someone using a spare key card. So after CC left, even though I wanted her to stay with me that night she still wanted to hang with folks, I walked around for a bit and then went to sleep.
Day 3
This was the last day of the con. Again I woke up early, around 8:30 and went to the con suite. While I was there I ran into CC who apparently had not gone to sleep and was still a bit drunk from partying from the night before. We chatted for a while and hung out before I went downstairs where they had...WAFFLES. Yaaaaay, was my first reaction followed by yummm. So I made myself some waffles and they were very tasty. Waffle maker + premade batter = win. After breakfast I walked around a bit and did some more socializing before finding out that check out was at 11 instead of 12 like at most hotels. So I grabbed my stuff (had packed the night before so I wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning) and went to check out. I dropped my stuff in the con suite as I was checking out but wasn't going to leave yet. I went to the front desk and payed in cash so T's card didn't get charged and then went to closing ceremonies. I should mention that during the weekend they were giving beads to those who were having a lot of fun and those of us who had participated in the fashion show. The point of the beads were to exchange them for stuff that the folks who ran the con had to give away. I had picked up a yo-yo, another cool toy, and a spiderman button. I also was able to get a really cool book (which I enjoyed reading) for being in the fashion show (they had let us go and pick out stuff without needing beads). After closing ceremonies they held a raffle which I had bought tickets for earlier. I won a seasonings basket (which I kept) and a basket of craft supplies which I gave to my friend J for his birthday (which was that weekend) he really liked it. So afterwards there was an auction where I won this really cool bag for $25 and then everyone said their goodbyes. I ran into the other girl I had hooked up with and we exchanged numbers so we could keep in touch. So I hung out and socialized for a couple more hours and then went home.
Overall it was a great weekend and I had tons of fun.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
People mentioned
In future blogs I may mention people who either said or did something that had an impact on me or events. I don't plan on using names or even nicknames. I will however use initials. I will only use a person's first initial; however, if there is more than one person with the same first initial mention I will add the second. As far as I know I don't think I know anyone who has the same first and last initials as anyone else.
Dating and the search for love
Before I write this all out let me first say that I tend to ramble in writing. I usually just write out what's on my mind. With that said here goes.
Dating is definetly a hard thing sometimes. I've been doing it for a while and still can't seem to get the hang of it. I should probably mention what it is I'm looking for in regards to a relationship. I want to have a full time, long term, just me and her relationship. Where we both are in love with each other and want to each spend the rest of our lives making the other person happy. I know that sounds like a hard thing to find and I'll admit it definetly has seemed so so far.
I had a full time relationship three years ago. As far as the relationship itself goes it was everything I wanted in one, the problem was the person I was in the relationship with. She made me unhappy and when we finally ended things it felt like there was a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. I've done my best not to find myself in that situation again. Me and her dated for eleven months; ten months longer than we should have. The problem is, I've been looking for the same type of relationship ever since, I just want it with someone who I can be happy with. I've dated since; some with potential, others I wanted to run from rather quickly, and a few that I've had fun with but that wound up being all there was to it. I know a lot of people have told me "Stop looking for it; It will come when you least expect it"; all the usual stuff. That's all fine and dandy but it's a lot easier said than done. Especially when 95% of my friends are alll in happy relationships with people they know they want to spend the rest of their lives with. It's hard not to envy their happiness in all honesty. Most of them happen to be poly with a few who are monogamous but they all seem to be very pleased with the relationships they are in. I know folks always say stuff like "You're only seeing parts of our relationship," or "We have problems, it's not all perfect." I totally understand that, the thing that makes those relationships so good is that the arguments, disagreements, and problems aren't ending the relationship. I believe it's because they have found the person who they care about so much that an argument isn't going to make them want to end the relationship. I've not 100% found that yet.
One thing I've come to learn is that I'm not a poly person. It's not that I have a problem with it, as a matter of fact I have one or two friends with benefits who are poly. The reason; I've come to learn, as for why I'm not is because I know(in the back of my mind anyway) that no matter what, no matter how much feeling I might eventually develop for someone there is always someone else they care about more. I wouldn't be the person that is most important(outside of family and friends who have been around longer than me anyway) in their life. My experience, admittedly, has never been on the primary side of things but I know I couldn't handle that either. The reason for that is because if I was someone's primary I'd always be afraid that they would leave me for their secondary. I know that's probably a silly thing to be worried about especially since that can happen in a monogamous relationship but why let it be even easier for that to happen. So I've come to accept the fact that poly won't work for me.
I'm also worried that karma is playing a huge role in my dating life. I've only really been dating for 8 years or so and the first few women I've dated I wasn't very good with. I'll admit some of that was self delusion on my part. In the earler relationships I told myself that I wanted more when in reality all I wanted was sex. It took me a few years to realize and accept that fact and now I feel that the universe is balancing that out by putting me in situations where I either end up with someone who only wants a physical relationship or I date someone where no strong feelings develop on their end of things. Because of that I'm sometimes worried that I'm destined to never truly find happiness with someone.
While I do sometimes enjoy being single(I'm not super depressed or anything), a lot of times I want to share some of the stuff I'm enjoying with someone who I know will enjoy it right along with me. One thing I can say is that I know what true love is, for me anyway. It's loving someone without any conditions attached, it's wanting to see the other person happy even if they aren't with you, it's wanting to be there and do stuff for them without expecting anything in return. It's being able to tell someone anything without them judging you, it's knowing that they will always be there no matter what, it's being able to go plenty of time without seeing or talking to them and still feel as close as possible. Of course that is a subject more for a different post.
When it's all said and done though I can say I wouldn't change my experiences for anything. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. I know I don't need someone to make me happy but it would certainly be nice to have someone to be happy with.
Dating is definetly a hard thing sometimes. I've been doing it for a while and still can't seem to get the hang of it. I should probably mention what it is I'm looking for in regards to a relationship. I want to have a full time, long term, just me and her relationship. Where we both are in love with each other and want to each spend the rest of our lives making the other person happy. I know that sounds like a hard thing to find and I'll admit it definetly has seemed so so far.
I had a full time relationship three years ago. As far as the relationship itself goes it was everything I wanted in one, the problem was the person I was in the relationship with. She made me unhappy and when we finally ended things it felt like there was a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. I've done my best not to find myself in that situation again. Me and her dated for eleven months; ten months longer than we should have. The problem is, I've been looking for the same type of relationship ever since, I just want it with someone who I can be happy with. I've dated since; some with potential, others I wanted to run from rather quickly, and a few that I've had fun with but that wound up being all there was to it. I know a lot of people have told me "Stop looking for it; It will come when you least expect it"; all the usual stuff. That's all fine and dandy but it's a lot easier said than done. Especially when 95% of my friends are alll in happy relationships with people they know they want to spend the rest of their lives with. It's hard not to envy their happiness in all honesty. Most of them happen to be poly with a few who are monogamous but they all seem to be very pleased with the relationships they are in. I know folks always say stuff like "You're only seeing parts of our relationship," or "We have problems, it's not all perfect." I totally understand that, the thing that makes those relationships so good is that the arguments, disagreements, and problems aren't ending the relationship. I believe it's because they have found the person who they care about so much that an argument isn't going to make them want to end the relationship. I've not 100% found that yet.
One thing I've come to learn is that I'm not a poly person. It's not that I have a problem with it, as a matter of fact I have one or two friends with benefits who are poly. The reason; I've come to learn, as for why I'm not is because I know(in the back of my mind anyway) that no matter what, no matter how much feeling I might eventually develop for someone there is always someone else they care about more. I wouldn't be the person that is most important(outside of family and friends who have been around longer than me anyway) in their life. My experience, admittedly, has never been on the primary side of things but I know I couldn't handle that either. The reason for that is because if I was someone's primary I'd always be afraid that they would leave me for their secondary. I know that's probably a silly thing to be worried about especially since that can happen in a monogamous relationship but why let it be even easier for that to happen. So I've come to accept the fact that poly won't work for me.
I'm also worried that karma is playing a huge role in my dating life. I've only really been dating for 8 years or so and the first few women I've dated I wasn't very good with. I'll admit some of that was self delusion on my part. In the earler relationships I told myself that I wanted more when in reality all I wanted was sex. It took me a few years to realize and accept that fact and now I feel that the universe is balancing that out by putting me in situations where I either end up with someone who only wants a physical relationship or I date someone where no strong feelings develop on their end of things. Because of that I'm sometimes worried that I'm destined to never truly find happiness with someone.
While I do sometimes enjoy being single(I'm not super depressed or anything), a lot of times I want to share some of the stuff I'm enjoying with someone who I know will enjoy it right along with me. One thing I can say is that I know what true love is, for me anyway. It's loving someone without any conditions attached, it's wanting to see the other person happy even if they aren't with you, it's wanting to be there and do stuff for them without expecting anything in return. It's being able to tell someone anything without them judging you, it's knowing that they will always be there no matter what, it's being able to go plenty of time without seeing or talking to them and still feel as close as possible. Of course that is a subject more for a different post.
When it's all said and done though I can say I wouldn't change my experiences for anything. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. I know I don't need someone to make me happy but it would certainly be nice to have someone to be happy with.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)