Comic-Con

Oh my god, two blog posts in one month; I must be serious about that whole keeping up thing I mentioned.

So this past weekend I went to Wizard World Comic-Con St. Louis. I went with my best friend and my little brother. It was fun and I had an amazing time. We arrived on friday, went and checked in, and started walking around the vendor area.

DAY 1

The first thing I saw when I got there was the booth for Ultrasabers. They are a company known for making lightsabers. They usually have set styles that people get but when I got to that booth I saw something I never expected to see. I saw the Saber of Omens. For those who don't know what that might be it is the Sword of Omens from Thundercats as a lightsaber. It was the coolest thing ever, and I bought one. Now mind you, I had no plans to do so, but when you have an opportunity like that, you take it. So I bought it and I look forward to using it.

After that, day one was mostly filled with walking around and visiting friends. There is something pretty sweet about having friends who have booths at an event like that. One of which being it makes them easier to find when wanting to hang out. The food choices were about the same as last year. Expensive but still good. He only complaint I really had was the lack of tables and chairs to sit at in the food area. I understand that with the amount of people attending you can't have seats for everyone without losing Con space, but if your food venders are in an area where there is nothing else around then damn it give people a place to sit. And no, the floor is not a viable place to sit. When you have been walking around for a few hours and decide to get food, the last thing you want to do is have to sit your happy ass on the cement floor.

Now unlike last year I did try and attend some panels. On Friday I only attended one. It was a Doctor Who panel that mostly discussed the end of Matt Smith's run. It was pretty cool, I even got up and asked a question of the panelists. I ended the day with seeing Captain America: The Winter Soldier which was an awesome movie.

Overall, day one was a good day. There was one issue, but that's not really my story to tell.

DAY 2

The second day was my favorite of the weekend.

It started with putting on my Renaissance Superman costume. I hadn't worn it since I went to Renn Faire last year and it was nice to wear it again. So we(me, my bestie, and my brother) went over the Con and were able to see some more friends. I went to a speed-dating event. That was pretty fun. I did kind of feel like the guy running it was kind of douchy. He kind of talked to everyone as if we were those stereotypical nerds you see on tv who couldn't get a date to save their lives. I've been in the geek/nerd community long enough to know that type is a rarity. Either way it was pretty fun. Made a couple of new friends, and have a new tumblr to follow. After that I went back to my room to change out of the costume. Partly because my feet were starting to hurt in the boots I was wearing, but also because the clasp for my cloak had come off and was no longer usable. Will have to work on getting that fixed. If only I knew people who knew costuming lol.

The next thing I did was go back for my picture with Karen Gillian and Matt Smith of Doctor Who. Got in line about an hour before the photo opp which was a good thing because it was already packed. I jad gotten tickets for my bestie amd I as we are both fans. We had found out that each pass could actually get two people for the photo. She decided to invite my brother into hers which is cool, except he had never watched the show. I invited a good friend of mine.

After the photo we headed back to the hotel room to prepare for a room party we were throwing. I had decided to throw a room party after booking the room when I realized how large the room was going to be. I'm not going to lie, I was really nervous. I had invited friends out before for a party but having friends come to a restaurant for your birthday is not quite the same as throwing one where you have to take care of the details. I must say it was a resounding success. There was a good turn out with friends both new and old. It definitely made me confident about possibly throwing parties in the future. I'll admit the fact that it ended with me in bed alone is something I would have changed but that's how things go.

Day two was loads better than day one. Seeing as how day one was amazing that says something.

DAY 3

So the third day was a bit more subdued. It was the last day of the Con and so there wasn't as much to try and experience. At least not as far as the Con went. We mostly spent this day going around to the booths friends had and saying hi. My bestie and my brother wanted to go around and get the free stuff that came with their badge which is cool. I had done that on friday so I mostly just walked with them and occasionally made my goodbyes to friends as I saw them.

This was the first event this year where I was reminded how much I missed my dad. Him, my brother, and I were originally planning on going together. My dad even wanted to try and do a steampunk costume. So while I had fun doing this without him it still hurt. But I think in the end, he would be proud of me for being able to have a good time anyway. He would have been the first to tell me that I couldn't change what happened, so going and enjoying myself would have been the only thing to do. I could hear him now: "Did you have a good time? Then don't let the fact that I wasn't there change that."

Overall I had a lot of fun and it was a great experience. Good friends, good booze, much laughter and smiles, and lots of joy was had, and you know what? In the end that is all that matters.

I do what I want

Well here I am again,  attempting to post more and keep this thing from becoming a tomb of thoughts long past.

Today I am writing about something that always bothers me. People's need to tell others that their opinion/likes/dislikes/whatever are wrong. It's a thing I've noticed for a while but today I felt like talking about it. What brought this up was something a coworker said. Before I get into that, a little background.

A few months back, when my dad was still in the hospital, I let a bit more facial hair than usual grow out. I'll admit I can't grow much of a beard, and it came out looking kind of scraggly, but i decided to do it. At first I was going to let it grow to see how it turned out, but shortly after deciding to do so I found out about my dad's condition. After that I decided that I wasn't going to shave it until things resolved themselves one way or the other. From the reactions I got from guys at work you would think I had committed a capital offense. Every opportunity they had they took to tell me how bad it looked, or how I needed to shave it, or just outright laughter. Now to be fair, during this time I wasn't exactly talking too much to a lot of people about what was going on. I only mentioned it to the one or two people I consider friends and they understood and letbit go. The others though, my goodness. It is amazing how it seems as if other guys try to control the way someone thinks or does things. One day, after about a month or so of this I blew up at a couple of them and told them my reasons. One or two seemed sympathetic but a few others kind of chuckled about it. I believe they were chuckling more about my reaction to them rather than the reasons I gave(at least that's what I choose to believe). Either way they dropped it. When my dad passed I shaved and haven't really thought of it since until today.

So I come into work just a regular day when a dick of a coworker(that has always been my opinion of him not just brought on by this) tells me that he likes the look I have at the moment much better. At first I had no idea what he was talking about as the look I have now I've had for a few years. It seems he was talking about that time period where I let my "beard" grow out. This annoyed me. I explained to him how his opinion didn't actually matter to me, especially when it comes to my looks. Actually when it comes to how I look no guys opinion matters to me. Primarily for two reasons. The first and main one is that I dress for me(yes I realize the irony of that statement coming from a man especially with the next reason). The second is that in the grand scheme of things, the only opinions other than my own I listen to, when it comes to my style, are women's. Now I accept that that might sound misogynistic and for that I apologize, but the truth is I'm straight and therefore sleep with women. Their opinion means more to me; because I feel that even if they have no interest in me, they are still basing their opinion on what they think looks good on a guy(or at least me if they are talking to me about it). There tends to be two reactions from guys to a statement like that. One being "No shit" and the other being "You're whipped". Now by pure coincidence the few male friends I have(about 85% of my friends are female, and don't get me started on how guys treat that tidbit) are of the "No shit" variety. They understand how the opinions of the people you are attracted to are somewhat more relevant than those of people you aren't.

Now I figure that by this point you are probably wondering what that story has to do with the original premise of this post. Let me explain, no that would be too long, let me sum up. It seems that people love to tell you you are wrong in the things you like, or enjoy, or just want to do, if it doesn't line up with their thoughts on those things.

I'll be the first to admit I like a lot of stuff. Whether it's movies, comics, books, music, or people. Because of that I have been accused of liking everything and everyone. While that isn't entirely true the thing I have never understood is what difference does it make. An example, and I know a lot of people will judge me for it, is that I like the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy. Now that you all had the collective gasp, understand that I am aware of it's flaws and have issues with those myself, but the main reason why I like them is that it is Fucking Star Wars. Yes Jar Jar Binks sucked, the droids were idiotic, and some of the acting was sub-par at best but all I care about is that it's Star Wars. The reason I use that as an example is because when I like something/someone I don't think too deeply into why I just know that I do. I know quite a few people who could tell you point for point every single reason they like something, I am not one of them. The main reason for that is that I don't think too deeply about it. Once I have accepted that I like or enjoy something then that is all I need to know. The same applies asbto why I don't like something/someone. Now in those cases I can give all the reasons, mainly because once I realize I don't like something, then I examine why so that I can feel, in my own mind, that it isn't for some arbitrary reason.

I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this rambling talk is that people shouldn't try to control what others like and don't like. Even if you don't agree you should let them have that. I think the main reason people make such a big deal about it is that they want validation for their own thoughts and opinions, and nothing does that better than someone agreeing with you. But you'll be amazed at how much less stress you have when you either stop caring about or trying to control the opinions of others. Now as I said earlier I do make exceptions, but those are the people who have a bigger impact on my life and who my choices actively affect them.

Well that's all for now. I'm aware that I ramble and that a lot of what I said probably won't make sense to people but you know what, I don't care. There's a line from a movie/tv show/ whatever that I think fits perfectly here....."I do what I want"

Nothing is the same

So I recently realized that it has been nearly two years since I last posted on here. The last post was a happy one full of upbeat feelings. This one, not so much. Let me start by updating about things between me and Tara. We are no longer together. After having lived with each other for almost a year we broke up. There were several factors for that, but I think the main ones were that we had moved in together too soon and that we were too different in how we viewed a lot of things. Also the fact that I am polyamorous and she is monogamous played a factor.

After Tara I spent a few months single before I began dating Lisa. Things were going well; we had good sexual chemistry, we had similar interests, we were both poly, and we enjoyed each other's company. We wound up not lasting as a couple but we are still friends (with benefits which I am glad for). So now I am single again and will probably stay that way for a while.

I'm choosing to stay single because I've realized that I haven't been in a long time and that after going from one relationship to another to another has not given me the chance to make some changes in my life.

And that brings me to the biggest, most heart breaking change in my life. As of January 23rd 2014 my dad died. He died of bone cancer after having only been diagnosed in November. The last two months have been very difficult for me. My dad and I were very close and we hung out like friends. We had a lot of the same interests whih made it easier to relate to each other. I wouldn't call him my best friend but I would say that he was a good one. I'm slowly healing from it but I am definitely not the same person I was. I never realized how much I relied on him to be a sounding board for a lot of things in my life. He always was able to help me out with a problem whether it was emotional, monetary(which wasn't often), or silly. He usually helped put things in perspective and made me feel better. I'm going to miss that. I think this is the first time I've really talked about it honestly. Just the other day I his urn and I've already begun to feel better. Before he passed I'll admit I wasn't exactly doing much to be an adult. Sure I had a full time job and was living on my own again but I didn't really feel like a grown-up. Now, with everything that has happened, I am beginning to. Don't get me wrong, there is a level of childishness but maybe not as high as before. I will always miss my dad but I am learning that he raised me well enough that I will be fine. It's going to be hard at times, especially if there is something that I would normally call him about and realize that he isn't here anymore; but I believe I will get through it.

I should also mention that as of December 2013(technically February 2014 as that is when the dr gave me the all clear) I am sterile. I went and got myself a vasectomy as I don't want to have children. The reaction to that has been varied but not bad. Strangely enough more of my female friends have commended me on it than the male ones have. I'm glad I took that step, it means that I won't have to worry about potentially ruining my life or the life of a kid who wouldn't be wanted.

So that is what has been going on in my life(well the cliff notes version anyway), in the 18 months or so since my last blog post a lot has happened. Some good, most bad, but I'm alright. I have my health, I have friends, I have family, my life isn't too bad. Hopefully it won't be so long before my next post and with any luck I plan on posting good thing.

Oh and if you want to follow me other places I have a tumblr page now(have for over a year now). It's supergeek1.tumblr.com so check it out if you are on tumblr. Be warned it is NSFW a lot of times but I share various things that I fine interesting, hot, funny, or just plain goofy.

Happy Update

Well, here I am making another blog post. It's getting ridiculous how much time is passing between these things. First it was three months, now it's been five; one would think that not much has been going on. As a matter of fact it's been just the opposite.

First off the(in my opinion) biggest thing; I've moved in with Tara. Chances are if you are on my fb friends list you already know this but it's worth repeating. I am incredibly excited as this is the fist time I have ever actively lived with a girlfriend. I've had women I've dated crash at my place for a bit but never one where both of our names are on the lease. With s moving in together have acquired two dogs. Their names are Charlie and Charlotte. They are older Chihuahua mixes and they are pretty cool. Normally I'm more of a cat person but these dogs are chill so I don't feel like they are as emotionally needy as most dogs tend to be. We're in two bedroom apartment that isn't all that expensive considering it's only bout twenty dollars more than my last apartment and that was more like a studio convertible than a one bedroom. It's been almost a month and things are going pretty good. I've name the apartment The Nut House; mainly for my nickname Chesnut and coincidentally because Tara is a Psych Med Tech so it doubly works.

With that I am giving up running the Single's Munch. I feel it's fair as I no longer qualify as truly single. Luckily I found someone who is willing to continue running it for me. He's been attending for a while o I definitely think he's good fit. I am keeping the option open that I may return but with any luck I won't need to. I am glad that I wasn't the only success from it. A few other people fund relationships which I am very proud of. I hope to keep hearing about it for a few years even if I never go back to it.

Another thing I did recently was go to World Con in Chicago. I had a pretty good time. I attended a few panels and really enjoyed playing this game called Battle Tech. It is a giant mech game ad this one I played had cockpit pods for the players to sit in; it was awesome. I shared a hotel room with a few friends, it was a new experience as before that I had only ever shared a hotel room with family or someone I was dating but pretty cool. I think that if I had to do that again it would be cool. I know one thing, after this Con I know want to go to Dragoncon. Hopefully next year I can do just that.

Well, that's all that's been going on with me. So far things have been good and I am a happier person for it. With any luck(preferably good) things will stay that way.

Life Update

It's been a while since I last made an entry here and quite a bit has happened. It's been about three months since the last entry so I will do my best to bring things up to date. I know I said a few posts back that I'd try and post more but sometimes things get away from you.
It's only April and 2012 has been turning out to be an interesting year so far.

One big thing was Conflation. I had a great time that weekend and got to spend time with all of my friends that I've grown close with in the last few years. I'm not going to go into detail like I did last year as a good amount of the interesting stuff isn't really mine to tell. One thing I did experience which I truly wish I hadn't is a Drink calle Venom. Oh My God, that shit was crazy. I probably should have known that it wasn't something I should have tried as a.) The drink came with instructions on how to drink it and b.) The instructions were "Take a deep breath", "Hold your breath while you take the shot", and "Breathe out through your mouth slowly after you take the shot"; with the added direction of "Whatever you do don't breath in". I'll admit I was hesitant but apparently, even at 30, peer pressure can be affective lol. So I took the drink, following the directions of course, and Holy Shit was that stuff strong. So strong it burned all the way down and after taking it I had trouble breathing for a minute or two. Once I was able to breath again I thought I was ok; I was wrong. Seems that my stomach was not a huge fan of Venom. After 5 minutes, where I was talking and trying to recover, my body was like "Get this shit out of me". Suffice it to say Venom burned just as much coming up as it did going down.

Another thing that has happened this year is that I started a Single's Munch for all of the single people in the local BDSM community. I started it after being made a moderator for a single's group on FL. I started it for a few reasons; the main one being that others who attended munches felt like the odd person out. As accepting and inclusive as the St. Louis BDSM community is, things seem to be more geared towards those in relationships rather than singles. So I started the Munch and man was I nervous. I mean here I am starting something that, as far as I knew, no one else was attempting to do and it turned out to be a success. The first one had about twelve people(maybe a few more) show up and we all got to know each other and had fun. The second one had more people; including one who I am very happy to have met. The third one is soon and there might have to be a change on my end of things.

One more thing that's happened so far this year is that I am in a relationship with a gorgeous, funny, adorable, intelligent, and downright awesome woman. Her name is Tara. It's funny, I actually met her at March's Single's Munch. Originally I contacted her on OKcupid because I saw her profile on there and thought she was pretty and interesting. She replied and said she saw me on FL and was going to ask me about the Single's Munch. So she showed up and we spent the whole two hours talking, occasionally joining in on the other conversations. While we were talking I kept wondering how I could ask her out without breaking the vibe of the conversation we were having. Then it happened, she said something that I was totally able to use in my favor. She said "The last movie I saw in theaters was Avatar", I replied with "Oh we so have to fix this. What are you doing after the munch?" We've been dating ever since :). We have a really good connection; a lot of things in common including having birthdays only days apart from each other. I've got to say it's nice that her birthday is only three days after mine; no way am I forgetting it lol.

It's interesting though that just a few months after admitting that I am polyamorous I meet a woman that is monogamous and want a mono relationship. I'm willing to give her one. I know that had it been anyone else I wouldn't be willing to do that but for her there is no question in my mind that I can. I plan on bringing her around me friends soon and introduce her. I'm sure they'll like her a lot. We already have one friend in common so I wouldn't be surprised if she gets along with the others.

So that's what's been going on with me these last few months. It's been an interesting year so far and I am looking forward to what is to come. I hope that things continue to be good and my eventual end of the year post is just as positive as this one.

Feel honored

So last night I went to The Crack Fox because they were holding The Burlesqkies. An awards show for the folks of The Thunderkittens and all those who help make their shows amazing. I was given the honorary award of "Burlesque fan of the year". It was really awesome to get that award.

I knew about it before I got to The Crack Fox mind you but I was late getting there as I get off work at 8:30 and don't get home until 9. So after getting home and changing clothes I went straight there. I don't care what anyone says nothing rocks more than having people cheer for you. A friend had posted on my facebook page that people had been cheering for me when they announced my award. I was a bit late getting there because of the timing of things but when I got there they pulled me on stage and gave me my award. It was definetly an awesome feeling.

Afterward I hung out for a couple of hours. I'm actually friends with the people who are members of both The Thunderkittens burlesque troop and  Dragon's Gaze fire troop and I've got to say it's pretty cool. I've learned that I even have a bit of my own fame because of it. Nothing is cooler than having people I've not met recognizing me and telling me they think I'm cool.

I attached a pic taken by Charlotte Sumtimes, a good friend and burlesque performer with the Thunderkittens, of me with my award :-)

Been thinking

With my recent break-up(got back with the girl mentioned in "Unforgivable" and are broken up again) I've been thinking about the nature of my relationships.

I recently realized that I've been involved with someone for almost three years now. That could technically qualify as my longest relationship yet; except for the fact that it's not a relationship in the traditional sense. She best describes it as a non-relationship and that seems like a good description to me. The thing that seems to stick out most to me though is the fact that that has lasted longer than any of my full fledged relationships. Now if this were a movie or something some friend would probably say that it has affected my other relationships; I can definetly say though that it hasn't, as this issue has been going on for a long time. Truth be told this has nothing to do with that conversation. This is more about me wondering why the others haven't lasted as long.

Now I do realize that the common factor in all of my past relationships is me. I've dumped, been dumped, and have just had things just fizzle and die. There are probably some things I need to change about my approach to relationships. For one thing I need to stop allowing myself to be pulled into relationships so fast. The majority of the women I've dated that led to a relationship happened within the first couple of dates. As a friend I tried to date pointed out to me (and I may be remembering poorly) "The fire that burns brightest burns quickest" and that is how a lot of my relationships have gone. We start dating and it's all passion and "I love you" and all that way too quickly. I know I for one tend to get swept up by my emotions and it's as if I have no control over them. I fall hard and fast. The relationship always seems to end about the same; hard and fast.

The interesting thing(to me anyway) is the fact that with the women I'm more than friends (but not in a relationship) with I don't seem to have that problem. I don't put any pressure on things and am more relaxed. That may be why they have all lasted longer. Part of the reason is the fact that I know from the get go that it's not as serious and therefore I don't feel the need to try so hard or cling as much. I don't know if it's because I know that from day one or if it's the fact that the way things happened I was more comfortable being myself. Either way I'm not throwing "I love you" out there(I do still love them it's just different) and not placing any sort of expectations about how long we'll last or where things are going or any of that stuff.

I think what I need to do is figure out how to get my mind to a place where I can treat a full fledged relationship like I treat those. I'm planning on taking time off from being in a relationship and try to work on myself and my issues as much as I can. I'm not giving up on them and if someone decides they are interested in dating me then that's good but I do need to make some changes in how I handle things. I know what I do wrong in relationships so I need to stop doing those things. I also need to stop treating every relationship like it's the one that is going to lead to the whole "Happily ever after" thing. Honestly I'm not entirely sure I even know what my happily ever after will be. Over the years the ideas I had of what I want have changed as I change. When I was younger my ideal was a wife, kids, the whole nine. I now know that kids aren't something I want, a wife would have to be someone accepting of polyamory, and there are other things that have changed in what I want.

Now that I'm 30 I think it's time to do what needs to be done to get what I want.